Tag: robbie fowler

Broken Bird: Part Two

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

IMG_2694

Me: I made eggs, are you hungry?

Him: Okay, I guess. Wait, no. I’m fine. I’m getting fat.

Me: You’re never going to be fat.

Him: Where’s Karl?

Me: He left a few hours ago. He had to get to work.

Him: Work…  I know I’ve heard that word before. Work….

Me: I know, I’ve read about it, too. Who can say for sure, what this ‘work’ is? I understand everyone is always looking for it, and they dislike it when they have it?

Him: No, I think you’re thinking of ‘love.’

Me: I stand corrected.

(pause)

Me: So, I need to say this: My feelings were hurt last night.

Him: What? Why? Oh…

Me: Right. Karl and I were on our second date.

Him: I didn’t know that!

Me: I think I mentioned it, yesterday. I was excited about this one.

(pause)

Him: How did it go?

Me: Well, I dunno. It was going well. I guess I shouldn’t have…

Him: You know, I really like him!

Me: Yes. You two really seem to like one another.

(pause)

Him: Let’s just have this out. What are you upset about?

Me: Well, I kind of thought that Karl and I were on a date. I wanted you to meet us at Sugarland, because you’re living with me, and I consider you a good friend, by now.

Him: I am your friend.

Me: Right, and I feel like saying this, then – I don’t think it was very kind, or considerate of you to sleep with him in my bed, on our second date.

Him: I don’t think he thinks you two were on a date.

Me: At this point, no, neither do I. I don’t date people that fuck my friends during the first phase of the relationship. You have to wait a year or two, before you start fucking my roommate.

Him: It could have been the three of us…

Me: Yes. I know that. I felt that energy, but it’s hard for me to participate in that energy when I’m managing extreme hurt feelings.

Him: I’m sorry. I didn’t know.

Me: Right, well, I mentioned it was a date.

Him: I didn’t hear you.

(pause)

Him: You talk a lot.

(pause)

Me: I also cook and clean a lot.

(pause)

Him: I have to leave. I’ve got things to do today.

Me: I want you to know one more thing.

Him: Jesus, what now, grandpa?

Me: Just that I forgive you.

(pause)

Me: I forgive you both, and I am letting the anger for this go. My friendship with you is more important than a second date, and Karl is handsome, but not really my type.

Him: Seriously?

Me: I think so. I processed it, here, in the kitchen last night while you guys were soiling my sheets.

Him: I felt guilty when I saw you asleep on the couch.

Me: Well, you should check my blog. I blogged about it, last night, while you two were having sex.

Him: WHAT?

Me: Sorry. I had to get it out. I had to let it go. That’s part of what PIEFOLK is – it’s a place for me to put things I find awkward, sad, frustrating, or when people I care about do things I don’t quite understand.

Him: Michael, I’m sorry. Just tell me next time, or don’t invite me. You know what I’m like –

Me: When you’re drinking. Yes. And it’s hard to ask an actor, much less a drunk actor, to be anything less than the marvelous attention hound he was born to be. However, I’m a comic and a writer, and I want you to know – fair’s fair – this IS becoming material.

Him: Thanks for asking me. Looks like it already has become material.

Me: Uh, if you want to get on a high horse start paying rent.

(pause)

Him: I love you, big brother.

Me: Then give me a hug. I forgive you. I’m sorry.

Him: Me too.

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Salon Party II

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

Him:  Hey.  It’s you again.

Me:  That’s right.  How has the party been?

Him: Great.  It was great.  You guys are great.

Me:  Great.  That’s great.  So great.

Him:  You’re an ass.

Me:  I am.

marcos sanchez

Him:  Sorry that was meant to be a joke.  I meant to say, you have a nice ass.

Me:  Thank you. I suppose everyone has seen it.

Him:  That might be accurate.  Good job keeping it in your shorts.

Me:  So far.

Him:  So far?

Me:  The night’s not over.  If I think I can get these homos to run around in their underwear, I might just do it.

Him:  Really?

Me:  I mean.  Yeah.  I like when people act free.

Him:  Okay.

dan paul roberts

adam gardiner’s spoken word

(I touch his hair)

Me:  You have amazing hair.

Him:  Ha.  Well now you say that?

Me:  Yes.  Now I say it.

Him:  You were just hitting on the guy sitting next to me!

Me:  Yeah I was.  Not really though.  But yeah.  Kind of.

Him:  Which is it?

Me:  I flirt with everyone.  I like affection.  So I give a lot of it away, hoping the world will respond in kind.

paolo raymundo

robbie and jeffrey

Him:  Hm…

Me:  I doesn’t always mean I want to doink a guy, just cause i play with his earlobes at a party.

(I touch his ear lobes)

Him:  Now you’re really an ass.

Me:  You’re probably right.  I won’t argue.

Him:  Good. 

Me:  I do my best.

Him:  You succeed.

stephen slate

Me:  What do you succeed at?

Him:  I work in fashion.  But the low end of it, not the high end.  Think closer to Target than Gucci.

Me:  These are KMart shoes.

(pause)

Him:  Lovely.

Me:  Thanks.  Don’t be blinded by the glamor.

Him:  Do my best.  Hey, are those fake glasses?

Me:  Yes.

Him:  Why do you wear them?

Me:  I don’t know.  I started wearing them and then it became a point of controversy somehow, with some online losers, and I kind of refused to back off of it.

Him:  It does seem inauthentic, somehow, no?

Me:  Maybe.  But, I don’t really like people telling me what I should do, especially if it’s something trivial like a pair of glasses.  Especially internet strangers.  Also, I think they look cute.

Him:  Do you know what you should do?

Me:  Please tell me.  I love when strangers tell me what I should be doing.

Him:  You should get a pair of glasses that are more expensive looking, to add an air of authenticity. 

(long pause)

Me:  HAHAHAHAHA!!  I like that.  I like that a lot.

Him:  Really?  What did I say?

Me:  You’re in the fashion industry – low end – and you challenge my authenticity.  First of all, that’s funny.  Then, your solution to my problem of being inauthentic is to appear more authentic.  I love that your advice wasn’t how to be more authentic, but rather to seem more authentic to other people, so as not to provoke their criticism.

Him:  You love that advice?

Me:  Yeah.  It tickled me.  I loved it.  Says a lot about you.

Him:  Does it?

Me:  I think so.  Says you value the appearance of authenticity, for sure.

Him:  Ugh.  No.  Not this.

Me:  Haha – what?

Him:  This isn’t the conversation I’m having right now.  It’s Saturday night.

Me:  Back to giving me unsolicited fashion and branding advice?

Him:  You’re hard to handle, huh?

Me:  It’s hard being attracted to someone who’s annoying you.

Him:  How did you know what I was thinking?

Me:  I didn’t.  I was thinking that about you.

Him:  What did I do that was annoying??

Me:  Do you remember earlier when you covered my mouth?

Him:  It sounded like you were going somewhere bad with what you were saying.

Me:  I was talking about oppressed minorities.   I said “All oppressed minorities – Asians, Blacks, Gays,” and then you covered my mouth.  Remember?

Him:  There were black people listening.

Me:  Yes.  I know.  I was aware of that.

Him:  It sounded like you were going somewhere bad.

Me:  I wasn’t.   I was talking about how we form communities.

Him:  Well I covered your mouth.

Me:  I know.  I registered that.  I thought, hey, this guy is doing one of the most condescending things possible right now.  Also, he’s super hot.

Him:  Well.  Sorry.  And thank you.

Me:  Eh.  It’s a party.  People are going to act weird.  Didn’t you see me running around in an apron singing songs?

Him:  Very true.  Hey.  I think I might be able to take you on one of those awkward dates sometime.

Me:  I think you’re right.

Him:  I’m great at awkward.

Me:  I’m great at self defeating behavior.  We could really fuck this date up, kiddo.  Let’s do it!

Him:  Okay.  You’re on.  One awkward date.

Me:  You have no idea what you’re in for.

Salon Party

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

allison michael orenstein

Thin Skin Jonny, me, Robbie and Marcos got a bunch of artists together for tonight.  We’re having another Salon party.

kristen yoonsoo kim

It’s going to be fun.  Lots of comics, writers, singers, poets.  They’re all bringing food and drink.  They’re all going to perform a little.  It’s how poor art fags entertain themselves during a heat wave.

kyk

It starts at 8pm.  If you know me and you didn’t get invited, and you wanna come, please txt me.  I’ll send you the addy.

kyk

I’m making savory mini-quiche.

kyk

Come drop by.  We’ll tell jokes, read poems, sing songs, and eat pies I made.

Be good to see you there.

adam gardiner

ag

ag

Thin Skin Jonny

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

(featured photos by Adam Gardiner)

We’re doing it.  Finally.

After work-shopping and writing , and arguing and re-writing and cutting, and arguing and apologizing, and promoting editing and rehearsing, and arguing and getting all up in each others’ shit we have a show.

And we’re proud of that show.

It’s at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theater at 307 West 26th Street.  Saturday, at midnight.  Tickets are five dollars.

Subject matter includes:  abortion, sweat shops, psychic vampires, Four Loko abuse, gay porn addiction, zombies, Bea Arthur, and more…

Come watch as Daniel frets about his mother, Ari claims not to be Gay (yeah right, why else would she join a Gay band??), Marcos becomes more and more obsessed with vaginas, and I pursue a dubious relationship with an underage Korean boy (not Daniel – okay, it’s Daniel).

Your honor, I swear he told me he was 17.  What am I supposed to do?

Check I.D.s??

Joining us on the electric piano is Ari Scott.

Sexy Shameless McGreedy dances and plays clarinet.

The lovely Robbie Fowler plays trumpet, and has some tricks up his sleeve.

The whole shebang is directed by miss Pam Murphy.

Be nice to see you.  We’ll go out afterward and grab a drink.

You’re not being a good stalker if you don’t go, and you’ve been promising me for a long time to stalk me a little better.

Come share this with us, and we’ll go dancing…

How’s that sound?

Jerk.

Vice Salon Party

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

Photos by Adam Gardiner

VICE approached me about doing a PIEFOLK piece online.

I said, sure.

A reporter named Kristin Yoonsoo Kim came over.  She hung out with me and a few friends while we baked and talked about religion, atheism, oppression and internet stalkers.

We made meat pies.  Pulled pork braised with Kim chi, nectarines, and broccoli.

There was a salon party after.  People showed up and ate pie, drank whiskey, and sang songs.  There were comedy pieces. Poems were read.  It was a lively evening.

Adam Gardiner was nice enough to take these photos.  They are stunning.

Ben Lerman sang ukulele songs.

Marcos Sanchez played a few Thin Skin Jonny songs with me.

Will Choy read a comedy piece.

Robbie Fowler sang a Lady Gaga song, mashed up with Guns and Roses.

Kevin Michael Murphy sang from a musical comedy he wrote.

Jon Flor Sisante broke everyone’s hearts with this song:

Everyone had a blast, and there was singing and spontaneous ruckus raising afterward.

There was a good vibe in the air.  People seemed generous and warm all night.

I was happy I’d invited the people I did.

Paolo Raymundo designed me a couture apron.  I was so sheepish about it.  It was flattering.

I’m grateful to Adam for these gorgeous photos.  Thanks for making it an amazing party.

You guys were great.

Cupid Arrives

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

What’s wrong with you?

Put your tongue back in your mouth.  That’s just Robbie Fowler.

Hm?  What?  He’s gorgeous?

I’ll let him know you said so.  Now focus:

So, first of all – congrats are in order.  Robbie’s boyfriend James proposed to him.   They’re getting married!

But, they’re getting married in New York, since that’s where they solidified their love.  Which means they’re waiting for it to be legal.  But they’re engaged!

They will be married, some day.  Soon as you kind straight folk start voting the right way.

Listen up:

Robbie is a popular New York actor.  He does theater and television.  Which is not to say you shouldn’t cast him in your movie.  You totally should.  He photographs well.

Robbie wanted to make a red berry pie, for Valentine’s day.  He brought over raspberries, strawberries and blackberries.   Good call, Fowler!  It made a kick ass pie.  We didn’t put very much sugar in it, because we wanted it to taste sharp and tart.  We spiked the crust with a little powdered ginger.

I sat down with Fowler to chat while the pie was baking:

PF: What do you do for a living?

RF:  I act…  swiffer my apartment…  take care of my puppy….

I’m an uncle…  for a living…

PF: How’s being engaged?

RF: We both have rings and we walk around a little taller, I guess? We would like to get married in our home state, so we’ll wait…  It affects me a lot.

PF:  How did you learn how to bake pie?

RF:  I learned from my grandmother.  Ernestine Nowlan.  My mother’s mother.  She was hilarious.  Taught me how to make a pie crust.  She was an actress when she was younger and she played Polly Darton in a Kansas musical review.  She was 75 or 76 when I was born.  They would take me to get haircuts – my grandparents.  And to theater camp.

PF:  Can you talk about the pie you selected?

RF:  Sweet, messy, juicy – just like Valentine’s Day.

PF:  Tell me an odd story about auditioning?

RF:  I went in for a show, right after moving here.  The audition was run by a reputable company – I sang my face off – belted those high B (flats).  The choreographer was yelling sass at us the whole time.  I went home, felt good about it, logged onto the Facebook, and I get a message from the director.

He found me, but my info is not at all on my resume.  He didn’t care to talk about my audition at all – he was just like ‘oh, what were those tattoos?’

Finally I had to ask – hey, did I make the cast of the show?

PF:  DID you?

RF: Oh.  Yeah, I did.  It was a lot of fun.

PF:  Do you have any advice for other young actors?

RF:  Take it as it comes.  If you need to take a break, do it.  Take care of yourself before you take care of your career.  You have to stay sane.  If you need to take a pottery class take a fucking pottery class.  Bake a pie.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.   Thanks, Fowler.

Guys, I hope you’re happy this Valentines day.  Whether you’re together or alone, I hope you’re having fun.

I love you.  Jerks.