Okay, so, here’s a letter asking for advice. I’ll try to answer it as best I can, but I’m not a doctor, okay? Thanks for writing in, guys.
I’m a 21 year old college student studying abroad in Europe. About 4 months ago, I met a gorgeous man from Warsaw. He’s successful, 13 years older than me, and looks like he came out of a Brooks Brothers catalog. Shortly after meeting we began getting intimate, and it’s been that way ever since. He’s intuitive, well endowed, and extremely wealthy. My life for the past month has consisted of short weekend trips abroad to Milan, Prague, Budapest, Vienna, and Krakow – he wines and dines me at some of Europe’s finest restaurants, and provides me with gifts and amazing sex… it’s probably every gay boy’s dream – until 6 days ago.
I kind of like to know my partner’s middle names for random reasons, so while he was showering I obliged myself to his wallet and snooped around for his middle name – that’s when I found pictures of him, a woman, and a little boy. It really bugged me so the next night I checked his cell phone and found out he has been texting a woman and mentioned “the kids”. Still curious, I began doing research on him and long story short, found he is indeed married and has two little kids. I’m involved in an extramarital affair and have become an official gold digger, and somehow, I’m okay with it.
I confronted him 2 days ago and we originally began yelling and fighting about it, and he admitted it… but somehow it just makes me more attracted to him – and we ended up having the best sex ever that night. I know it’s the worst thing a boy could possibly do, but I feel really comfortable being the middle man – it’s almost an aphrodisiac. How do I separate myself from him and make a clean split? Is it bad that I don’t feel absolutely horrible that I’m actively participating in this and could potentially break a family? I know he’s been technically been using me for sex, but I’ve been sort of using him for the vanity and sex, too… so am I also a guilty/horrible person? I move back to New York City in a month, but I feel like it’s going to be the longest month of my life.
Thanks for the letter, Tut.
Okay. First things first. I love you for mentioning his penis size in your very first paragraph. For some reason, I find that adorable/hilarious. I bet you’re just the cutest thing, in person.
Couple of things struck me as I read this letter.
I don’t like that you snooped in his wallet and Sherlock Holmesed his phone. That’s not cool. Don’t do that again. Seriously. This man has spent time and money to make you feel good, and you’ve betrayed his trust. I had a boyfriend snoop through my email once, and it really killed me inside. I got over it eventually. He was mortified that he’d done it, and I was too. See… that’s the thing, right? When you snoop into someone’s private life you sometimes find out if they’re a bad person, but you always find out that you are. I looked through my parents room once, when I was a kid, and I was mortified about it for months. Don’t do that again. Just… Okay?
Okay. Enough of the lecture. On to your questions.
How do I separate myself from him and make a clean split? I don’t think you will, or want to. You’ve admitted that you have no qualms being a gold digging little twink. Go nuts. Unless he’s falling for you? But it sounds like he’s got his life pretty compartmentalized. My gut says he’s using you. Why not use him?
Is it bad that I don’t feel absolutely horrible that I’m actively participating in this and could potentially break a family? Er… I dunno? I mean, you don’t feel bad about it. You said so already. I’m not sure I could do that, but you don’t seem bothered by it. But you’re feeling bothered about not feeling bothered? That’s probably some sort of convoluted moral pang. It’s up to you to judge those pangs and see if they outweigh the fun, money, good sex, and ego boost. As far as breaking up the family? Not likely. My gut says the wife knows about this or suspects it. You don’t marry a gay man and then let him go out of town every weekend to different countries without having an inkling of what’s what.
I know he’s been technically been using me for sex, but I’ve been sort of using him for the vanity and sex, too… so am I also a guilty/horrible person? Yes. I already said you were horrible for looking through his things. Wouldn’t it be so much better not to know all this crap? Have some respect for your sex partner next time. But seriously – no. I don’t think you’re a horrible person. This is what people do. They cheat on their spouses. They pretend they don’t know their rich, hung husbands are gay. They fuck older guys with money for validation. Consider this. You’re the youngest person in this situation and therefore the most naive. Shouldn’t you cut yourself some slack? I doubt you’re his first or last love affair with a 21 year old. What makes you responsible for his decisions? Nothing. He’s going to be doinking a twink. It might as well be you.
You said it yourself. He’s using you for sex. Good. You’re using him for sex and money and ego validation. What a sneaky twink you are. But just love yourself, okay? Let this affair run its course and take stock of yourself when you get back to New York. If you like what you see, great. If you don’t, then make a change.
But remember. You didn’t know this guy had this baggage when you fell in lust with him. It’s okay. You’re not terrible. Love yourself a little more. Stop looking through people’s stuff. It’s a violation. That’s my advice.
I think you’re beautiful. Thanks for writing in, Jerk.