Salon Party II

Him:  Hey.  It’s you again.

Me:  That’s right.  How has the party been?

Him: Great.  It was great.  You guys are great.

Me:  Great.  That’s great.  So great.

Him:  You’re an ass.

Me:  I am.

marcos sanchez

Him:  Sorry that was meant to be a joke.  I meant to say, you have a nice ass.

Me:  Thank you. I suppose everyone has seen it.

Him:  That might be accurate.  Good job keeping it in your shorts.

Me:  So far.

Him:  So far?

Me:  The night’s not over.  If I think I can get these homos to run around in their underwear, I might just do it.

Him:  Really?

Me:  I mean.  Yeah.  I like when people act free.

Him:  Okay.

dan paul roberts

adam gardiner’s spoken word

(I touch his hair)

Me:  You have amazing hair.

Him:  Ha.  Well now you say that?

Me:  Yes.  Now I say it.

Him:  You were just hitting on the guy sitting next to me!

Me:  Yeah I was.  Not really though.  But yeah.  Kind of.

Him:  Which is it?

Me:  I flirt with everyone.  I like affection.  So I give a lot of it away, hoping the world will respond in kind.

paolo raymundo

robbie and jeffrey

Him:  Hm…

Me:  I doesn’t always mean I want to doink a guy, just cause i play with his earlobes at a party.

(I touch his ear lobes)

Him:  Now you’re really an ass.

Me:  You’re probably right.  I won’t argue.

Him:  Good. 

Me:  I do my best.

Him:  You succeed.

stephen slate

Me:  What do you succeed at?

Him:  I work in fashion.  But the low end of it, not the high end.  Think closer to Target than Gucci.

Me:  These are KMart shoes.


Him:  Lovely.

Me:  Thanks.  Don’t be blinded by the glamor.

Him:  Do my best.  Hey, are those fake glasses?

Me:  Yes.

Him:  Why do you wear them?

Me:  I don’t know.  I started wearing them and then it became a point of controversy somehow, with some online losers, and I kind of refused to back off of it.

Him:  It does seem inauthentic, somehow, no?

Me:  Maybe.  But, I don’t really like people telling me what I should do, especially if it’s something trivial like a pair of glasses.  Especially internet strangers.  Also, I think they look cute.

Him:  Do you know what you should do?

Me:  Please tell me.  I love when strangers tell me what I should be doing.

Him:  You should get a pair of glasses that are more expensive looking, to add an air of authenticity. 

(long pause)

Me:  HAHAHAHAHA!!  I like that.  I like that a lot.

Him:  Really?  What did I say?

Me:  You’re in the fashion industry – low end – and you challenge my authenticity.  First of all, that’s funny.  Then, your solution to my problem of being inauthentic is to appear more authentic.  I love that your advice wasn’t how to be more authentic, but rather to seem more authentic to other people, so as not to provoke their criticism.

Him:  You love that advice?

Me:  Yeah.  It tickled me.  I loved it.  Says a lot about you.

Him:  Does it?

Me:  I think so.  Says you value the appearance of authenticity, for sure.

Him:  Ugh.  No.  Not this.

Me:  Haha – what?

Him:  This isn’t the conversation I’m having right now.  It’s Saturday night.

Me:  Back to giving me unsolicited fashion and branding advice?

Him:  You’re hard to handle, huh?

Me:  It’s hard being attracted to someone who’s annoying you.

Him:  How did you know what I was thinking?

Me:  I didn’t.  I was thinking that about you.

Him:  What did I do that was annoying??

Me:  Do you remember earlier when you covered my mouth?

Him:  It sounded like you were going somewhere bad with what you were saying.

Me:  I was talking about oppressed minorities.   I said “All oppressed minorities – Asians, Blacks, Gays,” and then you covered my mouth.  Remember?

Him:  There were black people listening.

Me:  Yes.  I know.  I was aware of that.

Him:  It sounded like you were going somewhere bad.

Me:  I wasn’t.   I was talking about how we form communities.

Him:  Well I covered your mouth.

Me:  I know.  I registered that.  I thought, hey, this guy is doing one of the most condescending things possible right now.  Also, he’s super hot.

Him:  Well.  Sorry.  And thank you.

Me:  Eh.  It’s a party.  People are going to act weird.  Didn’t you see me running around in an apron singing songs?

Him:  Very true.  Hey.  I think I might be able to take you on one of those awkward dates sometime.

Me:  I think you’re right.

Him:  I’m great at awkward.

Me:  I’m great at self defeating behavior.  We could really fuck this date up, kiddo.  Let’s do it!

Him:  Okay.  You’re on.  One awkward date.

Me:  You have no idea what you’re in for.

Salon Party Part One

allison michael orenstein

Ack!  The dollar store was out of mini-pie tins!

What’s a guy supposed to do??

Well, we bought disposable four cup muffin tins, and cut them down with scissors.

Ghetto style?  You bet.

That’s Chuhan.  He’s a real sweet kid from Atlanta.

He’s new to the whole Gay thing and we’re doing our best to try to socialize him.

He’s got a bright spirit and a kind heart.

He loves to eat bacon.  I had to stop him from eating all my quiche filling.

That’s Clayton.  He came over to help us out.

We had 40 pies to make for as many hungry homos.

Clayton is gaining popularity as a DJ in New York City.

He works at The Ritz and other venues.

Clayton and I had a fun time harassing Chuhan.

We don’t do it on purpose, but Chu has this way about him.

He invites abuse.  Not domestic abuse.  Casual ribbing and teasing.

But if he doesn’t start listening, I’m going to hit him in the face.

You know, so he knows I care.

Guys.  It’s a damn heat wave.

I don’t have A/C.

These boys were really nice to come over and help me bake in this abusive heat.

We teased Chuhan relentlessly while we all sweated and took our clothes off.

Then Clayton and I started talking about abuse.

Clayton had a few insightful things to say about it.

Clayton pointed out that people (in general) tend to receive about as much abuse as they invite.

For instance, he said, when he encounters a person who complains, whines or mopes, he says it automatically makes him act mean, or abusive.

I think there are exceptions.  People marry someone and don’t know they’re violent, or whatever.  But I couldn’t help but think that there’s a fundamental truth to Clayton’s philosophy.

We get the amount of abuse we invite.  Hm.

Kinda made me worry about a few friends I have that have a tendency to seek abusive relationships.

I mean, I know some beautiful, bright, talented young Gays that seem to want to date obnoxious emotionally (or physically) abusive dudes.

That’s a tricky space to put yourself in, over and over again…

Hey.  These mini-quiches turned out okay, after all.  Despite our ghetto baking techniques.  Good call, Chuhan!

More on the Salon soon!  Enjoy the Bacon, Collard, and Sharp Cheddar Quiche.

Salon Party

allison michael orenstein

Thin Skin Jonny, me, Robbie and Marcos got a bunch of artists together for tonight.  We’re having another Salon party.

kristen yoonsoo kim

It’s going to be fun.  Lots of comics, writers, singers, poets.  They’re all bringing food and drink.  They’re all going to perform a little.  It’s how poor art fags entertain themselves during a heat wave.


It starts at 8pm.  If you know me and you didn’t get invited, and you wanna come, please txt me.  I’ll send you the addy.


I’m making savory mini-quiche.


Come drop by.  We’ll tell jokes, read poems, sing songs, and eat pies I made.

Be good to see you there.

adam gardiner



HIV Test

Him:  I’m really scared.

Me:  You look good.  I hate to see you limping around like that.  How’s A.?

Him:  He’s getting better.  He says he’s healing pretty fast, which is putting him in a good mood.

Me:   He’s not angry with me, is he?

Him:  No.

Me:  I’m glad you two are okay.  Sideswiped, huh?

Him:  Yeah.  We were splayed all across the intersection, and the van that hit us on our scooter drove away.  It was a hit and run. 

Me:  I hate seeing you limp around like that.

Him:  My skin is dry and these huge scabs itch a lot.

Me:  Aw.  Pumpkin…   I’m glad you tested negative.  Why are my results taking so long?

Him:  They must’ve all went to lunch.

Me:  They drew our blood at the same time.  Why are my results taking 30 minutes longer?

Him:  I’m serious.  They went to lunch.

Me:  They’re waiting for a counselor.   If you have HIV they have to get you counseling on the spot.  That’s why my results are taking so long.  I’m positive.  I knew this wasn’t just a cold.  I had this sinus infection for a month.  It’s HIV.

Him:  Stop that.  You don’t know that.  You don’t know anything of the sort.  Just wait.

Me:  My pulse.

Him:  What’s going on?

Me:  It’s like I’m at the gym or swimming.  My pulse is racing.  I hate this.  I’m freaking out.  Okay.  It’s not the end of the world.

Him:  Things just change.  A little.  Not even a lot.  A little.

Me:  Your sex life changes a lot.

Him:  If you’re conscientious it does.

Me:  I’m conscientious.  Ugh.  I hate this.  I hate that it’s all Gay people here and that girl who looks like she’s just here with her Gay friend.

Him:  It’s a health clinic in Chelsea.

Me:  I hate having to do this every four months.  I hate squriming for an hour and a half.  Why don’t straight people have to do this?

Him:  They just don’t. 

Me:  I had a rash last week that wouldn’t go away.  I think it’s HIV.  I’ve been totally run down.  I don’t feel like myself the past few weeks.

Him:  Stop it.  You don’t know anything.

Me:  I love you.  You’re my friend and I love you.

Him:  I love you too.

(I start hyperventilating)

Him:  What’s the matter??

Me:  I don’t care.  I don’t care.  If I have this disease I DON’T CARE.  I’m never going to let straight people or even other Gay people make me feel ashamed about it.  Never.  If I have this disease it will make me more driven.  More powerful.  I won’t be ashamed of myself.  I won’t.

Him:  Okay.  Good.  Don’t.

Me:  They can’t make me take shame that I won’t accept.  I won’t be some victim.  I refuse to be the subject of anyone’s pity.  I refuse it.  It won’t work on me.

Him:  You need to calm down.  This is what I do.  I think about food.

Me:  What?

Him:  I think about snacks and what kind of food might be in this building.

Me:  Really?

Him:  Yeah.  I think about the phlebotomist and what kind of lunch she might have packed.

Me:  Mine was stony.  I bet she packed egg salad.

Him:   Yeah.  They’re stony.  Mine had a boyfriend die three days ago in a motorcycle accident.

Me:  Wow.  She must have been a ghost.

Him:  She said that she has to tell his parents.  His parents are out of the country right now and can’t be contacted. 

Me:  Horrible.  I was just thinking the other day how as life goes on and we get older, that we have worse and worse ‘jobs’ to do as people.  Break the news of someone’s death, for instance.

Him:  First your boyfriend dies, and then you have to tell his parents.

Me:  That makes me want to cry.

Him:  Me too.

Me:  I just hope that people get more sensitive to each other as they get older.

Him:  I think people are pretty sensitive. 

Me:  I do comedy.

Him:  Right.  Good luck with that.


Me:  That’s me.  Here goes nothing.  I love you, kiddo.

Him:  I love you too.


Happy Sunday, Folks

(Photo: Kristen Yoonsoo Kim)

Hey everyone.  Thanks for all the love and support the past week.  I had a bunch of shows I had to do and I didn’t get to write PIEFOLK as often as I’d have liked to.

Tonight Thin Skin Jonny is doing Margo Leitman and Giulia Rozzi’s Stripped Stories podcast at Sirius Radio.  We’re very excited.

You can search Stripped Stories on iTunes for more info.

(watercolor:  Lex Millena)

Here’s the other thing.  I’m trying an experiment.  I have a cousin named Anna who has a beautiful singing voice.  She’s very young and she lives in St. Louis.  I’m recording a song and posting it on the interwebs and she’s going to listen to the recording, look at the chords, and sing a cover of it that she posts on the interwebs.  You guys – stay tuned for this.  She is a star in the making.  Here’s what I mean:





(my little brother Kazu contemplates a quiche we made)

Here’s the song I’m asking Anna to sing:

Please enjoy!

(photo:  Kristen Yoonsoo Kim)

FriDATE: Flashback

(photos by Jack Slomovits)

Sometimes people ask me on dates.  They see me online.  Maybe they think I’m the answer to their life’s problems, or loneliness.  Invariably, I prove them wrong:

Him:  It’s good to see you.  Surprising.

Me:  Yeah, I never come here

Him: Yeah.  That’s why I come here.

Me:  That’s a good reason.

Him: Well, it’s good to see you , in any case.  Let’s grab a drink and catch up?

Me:  I’m not drinking, but I’ll buy you one.

Him:  Okay.  I HAVE been drinking.  But it’s good to see you.   Man, I was crazy for a while, there, wasn’t I?

Me:  We were both crazy.  I was resistive to getting close and you… were…    we were both crazy.

Him:  I’ll take a gin and tonic

Me: A gin and tonic, please.

Him:  You were crazy.  You couldn’t commit.

Me:  Well I wasn’t that crazy, was I?  I didn’t read anyone’s email.

Him:  I knew you would bring that up.

Me:  You violated my privacy.

Him: You left it open.

Me: I left the house to buy an onion to add to the dinner I was making for you.

Him:  I see you’re cooking a lot.  I’m glad to see PIEFOLK is going well.

Me:  People are responding!  Thanks.  That’s nice of you to say.

Him:  Let’s go dance.

Me:  I don’t dance.

(even so…)

Him:  WANT YOU TO MAKE. ME . FEEL.  LIKE I’M THE ONLY GIRL IN THE WORLD.  LIKE I’M THE ONLY ONE YOU’LL EVER LOVE!!!  I love Rihanna.  You never made me feel like this.  GIRL IN THE WORLD!!!

Me:  I never claimed I was going to make you feel like that.  Do you want to feel like Rihanna?

Him:  Yes.

Me:  Convienient.  I feel like slapping you.

Him:  Buy me another drink.

Me:  Do I have a choice?

(one hour later.  on the subway platform)

Me:  Wow.  That was aggressive…

Him:  What do you mean?

Me: You put me in a headlock, and ran me down the stairs toward the train tracks.

Him: One of these days I’m going to kill you.

Me:  Well not today.  I am going to walk to the other end of the platform.  It was good to see you.  I’m glad you’re dating someone new.

Him: You broke my heart.  I was always the heart breaker.

Me: I’m sorry about that.  I felt like I could never catch up.  You kept closing the gap as I choked and asked for space.  It was the wrong time for me.  I was really broken, back then.  I’m only now starting to like myself again.  But I’m glad I ran into you.  It seems like you want to be friends.

Him:  You fucking asshole.  I will NEVER be your friend!  That will NEVER HAPPEN.  You broke my heart.  I can’t be your friend.

Me:  Ironic, because I never asked you for more than a simple friendship.  Why does everyone want just one more handful than what they’re allowed?  If you really respected me, you would have listened to me when I said, don’t fall in love with me.

Him:  You worthless whore!

Me:  Oh god.  It’s a Gothic novel now?  Here?  On the subway platform? Just calm down.  We got through most of the evening already.  You’ve been drinking.

Him:  I had ten drinks.

Me: That’s a lot.  I had zero.

Him:  Why are you driven to be such a whore?  What’s wrong with you, that you couldn’t take a loving life with me.  Live together.  Raise child?

Me:  WE DATED FOR FIVE MONTHS.  Five months.  This is part of the problem.  You never stopped putting pressure.

Him:  You’re a selfish asshole.

Me:  No, actually.  You.   You’re an asshole.  We were nice to each other for about an hour and a half, and now you want to burn it to the ground.  That makes you the asshole.

Him:  You fucking slut.

Me:  You’re a drunk asshole!  You’re being a drunk asshole.

Him:  I’m not a drunk asshole.

Stranger:  You are.

(long pause)

Stranger:  Not a judgment, but you’re drunk.  Admit it.  You’re really drunk.

Him:  Get the fuck off of me.  You want to try to tell me what to do?  You stink?  What’s that on your breath?  M and M’s?  Disgusting.  Get out of my face.  I’ll destroy you.  I’ll smash you.

Me:  Knock it off.  Right.  Now.  You happy?  You impressed with yourself?  Did you belittle the man on the subway that was just trying to stick up for me??!  Are you proud that you threatened him?  That you threatened me?  I’m so impressed.  You’re right.  I totally should have bitten the bullet and moved in with you.  What a great future father for my child!!  Wow!  I really missed out!  Get on the FUCKING TRAIN.

Him:  What are you?  Taking a PICTURE?  Don’t you fucking blog me.

Surprise ending:  No break up sex.  Yes restraining order.

Just kidding about the restraining order.  Jerks.

Thin Skin Jonny

(featured photos by Adam Gardiner)

We’re doing it.  Finally.

After work-shopping and writing , and arguing and re-writing and cutting, and arguing and apologizing, and promoting editing and rehearsing, and arguing and getting all up in each others’ shit we have a show.

And we’re proud of that show.

It’s at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theater at 307 West 26th Street.  Saturday, at midnight.  Tickets are five dollars.

Subject matter includes:  abortion, sweat shops, psychic vampires, Four Loko abuse, gay porn addiction, zombies, Bea Arthur, and more…

Come watch as Daniel frets about his mother, Ari claims not to be Gay (yeah right, why else would she join a Gay band??), Marcos becomes more and more obsessed with vaginas, and I pursue a dubious relationship with an underage Korean boy (not Daniel – okay, it’s Daniel).

Your honor, I swear he told me he was 17.  What am I supposed to do?

Check I.D.s??

Joining us on the electric piano is Ari Scott.

Sexy Shameless McGreedy dances and plays clarinet.

The lovely Robbie Fowler plays trumpet, and has some tricks up his sleeve.

The whole shebang is directed by miss Pam Murphy.

Be nice to see you.  We’ll go out afterward and grab a drink.

You’re not being a good stalker if you don’t go, and you’ve been promising me for a long time to stalk me a little better.

Come share this with us, and we’ll go dancing…

How’s that sound?



(baking photos by Jack Slomovits)

Dear Michael,


After discovering your blog in Vice magazine, I just wanted to add my big, enthusiastic appreciation to the piles of accolades.  It’s become one of my favourite internet places for things that make me chuckle, pull the heartstrings, and are neat to look at.  I love how you’re funny and sincere while simultaneously being sarcastic, erudite and politically and socially conscious; for a person to be really funny really means that they’re an optimist to the core in life.  In particular, I wanted to thank you for your candour in talking about obfuscated racial hierarchies and diversity in the gay world. I didn’t think that Asian animus and stereotypes within the community would bother me as much as they do sometimes, and it really means a lot that someone like you calls it out in a frank, yet un-confrontational way.  It really gets me thinking about what solidarity and communion mean in the “po-mo” era, and what Larry Kramer said when he accepted the Tony this year: “Let them know we are a special people, an exceptional people, and that our day will come.”


Anyway, I’m coming down from the woods, lakes and ganja haze of Canada to New York (city of my boyhood dreams) on the weekend, and as always before I come I’ve made a wish list, with the following at the top:


(1)    See the McQueen Savage Beauty exhibit at the Met

(2)    Win rush-lottery tickets to see The Book of Mormon

(3)    Randomly make eye contact with you while meandering around Brooklyn (staying with a friend), strike up a conversation, laugh so hard we feel like we’re gonna barf, and learn how to make a pastry that contains chocolate.


But that’s one of the great things about New York; you inevitably can’t get to everything on your wish list; that’s why you keep coming back!

Keep up all the delicious work, we’re ravenous for more in Canada!





PS – Have you heard of the Canadian band The Hidden Cameras?  If not, I think you’d dig them, they fuse lots of string instruments, religious iconography and homosexual sensibility to pleasing, pleasing effect.



Thanks for writing in.  Um,  you’re wearing a Japanese Joy Division shirt = instant boner.  Or maybe it’s your general adorableness giving me the instaboner.  In any case, I’ll have to take a break for a moment and listen to my (newly made) Hidden Cameras Pandora Station.


Okay, I’m back. Thanks for all the praise.  I don’t deserve most of it, but I’ll take it.  You’re really eloquent and sharp.  I hope to meet you when you visit.

It pains me to hear that you’re a victim of Asian stereotyping, especially if that hurt is being inflicted by your fellow Gays.  But I’m glad you feel as if you have a right to that pain/anger/sadness and can communicate it.

We’re working on it.  Some of us are working on it.  Thanks for joining us.

Thanks for the Larry Kramer quote – that’s exactly how I feel.  I wish the Gays knew how exceptional they were.  I wish they could see past their own low level of bitterness to see what great potential is inside all of them.

Coming on the weekend?  My band is playing a show at The Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theater on Saturday at midnight.  I dare you to come, and grab a drink with us afterward.

Do it, Joy Division.  Didn’t I just dare you??

There won’t be time to show you how to make Mexican Hot Chocolate Pie, but as you say, that’s what returning is for.

You said some kind things which made me feel very good, and seriously – don’t hesitate to contact me.

Thanks, Brother.


Hi Michael

My name is Drew Blackman and I am a gay man living in Boston.  I stumbled upon you blog a few months ago and have been reading it every day.

I want to start off by saying that i think your blog is very well done.  From inane sillyness, to delicious looking pies, to disastrous dates, it all works together very well.  Being an aspiring home baker/cook, I’ve found mixing your social commentary and poignant humor amongst photos and stories of the simple act of baking with good friends refreshing and relatable. 

I have to admit that i was particularity inspired to write to you after reading your most recent MonDate post.  Though i started reading your blog because of the pies(and, lets face it, the cute boys you bake with), it didn’t take long to realize you have a very strong and though out sense of queer liberation.  Most of my adult life, i have focused on identifying and confronting both white privilege and male privilege in both me and the people around me. I feel like I have reached a point where i am comfortable recognizing and challenging myself and others around taking up “space” and the blissful ignorance that privalege brings(ala Peggy McIntoch’s “White Privilege:Unpacking the Invisable Knapsack”).

Having said that, I generally feel at a loss when I step out of the “person with privilege” role and am confronted with heterosexism and homophobia.  Now i realize that statement sounds a little backwards, but as you point out much of the oppression that queer people and particularly gay men face on a daily basis, comes from other gay men.  I appricieate the way you have highlighted the fact that by gays being catty, sarcastic, or dismissive which each other, they are perpetuating the idea that queer folks don’t deserve to be treated with respect.   How can we expect or receive respect if we can’t even get it from each other. 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I appreciate what you have done with your blog.  I feel that i have gleamed a better framework for confronting heterosixism both from within the gay community and from the outside.  Thanks again, and keep up the good work.



Thanks for writing in.  I’m genuinely touched.

Wow.  Again – much more praise than I probably deserve.  I’m grateful.  For you to say that I’ve given you a framework to deal with heterosexism is huge for me.  You’re so well spoken and ordered in your thoughts.  I’m a fan of you too.  So take that, mister.

I do think it’s important for Gays to realize they have a right to their anger/sadness/bitterness about heterosexism.  Most of the time when I ask another Gay about their oppression they express exhaustion.  They tend to have very little use for the conversation, because they’re fatigued by the battle.

I think it’s time for us to start displaying our anger, when heterosexism occurs. It may be time to frighten them, with our repressed rage.

I suspect that the catty bitterness we’ve both witnessed between Gays is nothing more than them projecting anger at one another that should be directed at an opressive, bigoted outside world.

If not that, then certainly we must calmly point out when we’re being targeted by blatant or subtle forms of homophobia.  It’s my impression that social change comes one person at a time.  Each of us must be that one person who is willing to change the world by firmly asserting our own right to dignity and respect.


It’s easy to ignore homophobia, but that takes a cumulative emotional toll after a while.  Speaking up for yourself is scary, but extremely powerful.  I’m glad you’ve decided to start.

My advice is to start by focusing on eliminating any and all shame you experience for being Gay.  It’s the most powerful tool they have against us.  It is inundated into us by our teachers, families, churches, friends, and even ourselves.  Don’t let straight people make you feel shame.  Ever.

I wish you all the best, Brother.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you visit New York.




(featured photo by Allison Michael Orenstein)

(additional photos of Michael Martin and Marcos Sanchez by Jack Slomovits)

Him:  Hey.  You’re T.’s friend, right?

Me:  That’s right.

Him:  Pie guy.

Me:  Ha.  Yeah.  Pie guy.  That’s me.

Him:  That’s cool. 

Me:  I guess so.  It’s gotten out of hand.

Him:  Has it?

Me:  I think so.  In a good way.  People have been really nice, and really supportive.

Him:  How so? 

Me:  I’ve had people – strangers – send me art and make me things.  I have had a few people make watercolors or digital images.  Two people designed aprons for me – well three, actually.  My mother commissioned the very first one that says Pie Man on it.

Him:  Your mother??

Me:  Yeah.  She reads the site.  Is that weird?


What do you do?

Him:  I’m an Architect.  It really weighs me down.  Bureaucracy.

Me:  I think architecture is inspiring.

Him:  Whatever…


So what’s your deal?  Is there some sort of message you’re pushing?

Me:  Hm.  I mean, yes.  No.  Probably?  I think people should live openly? I just post about what happens to me on awkward dates, or weird exchanges in New York, and I juxtapose those cringy moments with pics of me baking with cute boys and artists i like.

Him:  Why do that?

Me:  I guess that I want to mix domesticity with a very obviously Gay lifestyle.  I’m trying to get Gays and Straights to see Gay sexuality (and poly-sexuality) as an option that is compatible with domesticity.  Plus who doesn’t love to see cute boys baking and read about them suffering through  dating mishaps?


Him: People love to watch attractive people suffer.  It’s crowded tonight.

Me:  Metropolitan on a weekend.  But look at all these talented boys.  It’s all right here in this room…

Him:  What is? 

Me:  Everything you might need to launch a career, start a movement,  or change the world.  All these boys need to do is realize they’re brothers, and start loving each other instead of ripping each other apart.  They have the talent and connections…

Him:  That’s the stuff I was talking about.  I don’t get that stuff, when I hear it.

Me:  Oh.  I tend to speak philosophically sometimes.  It’s annoying.  I think we (the Gays) could really do to start loving ourselves and each other much more than we allow ourselves to right now.  We have this tendency rip into each other, and act bitchy or jealous of one another.  We shouldn’t do that. Our purpose should be to build each other up, not tear one another down.

Him:  That’s human nature. 

Me:  Don’t do that.

Him:  Do what?

Me:  Don’t be dismissive and excuse the behavior.

Him:  Can you say that it’s not human nature?

Me:  No, but what I can say is this:  I’m not that interested in focusing on how the world and people are so negative that we can’t achieve gains in our community.  I’m not interested in reasons why we can’t achieve brotherhood.

Him:  Brotherhood?  Seriously?

Me:  Other oppressed minorities have achieved moments of brotherhood and solidarity and I know that if we don’t use simple excuses like ‘that’s human nature’ to indulge in an empty pleasure like ripping each other down, that we might be able to start loving and supporting each other.

Him:  Ugh.  That sounds like a lot of work.

Me:  People just need to re-wire themselves, I think.  Instead of immediately being ‘over it’ or sarcastic, they could try supporting their brothers.  For instance – you expect people here to be default setting stand-offish right?

Him:  Sure.

Me:  But, if you make eye contact with someone and touch them, for instance, when you’re speaking to them, they feel you trying to connect with them, and they’re bound to show you their best side.

Him:  Really?  Is it a special moment for them?  Do they unlock a spiritual connection with each other?

Me:  Stop.  We can have this conversation with each other but it’s going to make me upset if I feel like you’re being glib, flippant or dismissive.

Him:  I just don’t believe you.

(long, icy pause)

Me: What?

Him:  I don’t believe you really feel this way.  It sounds good for a second but then i don’t believe it.

Me:  That’s a mixture of self doubt and fear talking.

Him:  Haha!  What??

Me:  It’s intimidating hearing a strong, confident point of view. I’m guessing this subject is something you don’t think about often.  Most Gay people are tired of their own oppression and tune it out.  You don’t exactly know how you feel about this subject and now you’re being called upon to comment on it, and your knee jerk reaction is to be negative and try to find ways to chip away at my philosophy, rather than formulate your own.  ‘It’s human nature.’

Him:  Here’s my philosophy:  any extreme statement is wrong.  Extreme statements are always, always wrong.  Period.  That’s why I don’t trust your philosophy.

Me:  Is that all you’ve got?  ‘You’re wrong?’  Here’s an extreme statement from the Declaration of Independence:  “We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal.”  Here’s an extreme statement from Gandhi: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”  Are those statements wrong??

Him:  I just don’t trust your philosophy, or that you believe it.

Me:  Is this what you do when you meet friends of friends?  You call them phony and liars?

Him:  I didn’t do that?

Me: Didn’t you?  You just told me that you don’t trust my philosophy or that I myself believe it.  I don’t know how much more blatantly you can call someone out for being a liar.  Maybe you feel threatened or lazy?  Your philosophy takes the power away from negative extreme statements, sure, but it also takes the power away from anything positive too.  What you’re left with is powerlessness.  You’re left with sarcasm.  You’re left with nihilism.

I don’t find that at all inspiring.

Thanks for chatting.