Passive Aggressive, Part 1

2013-04-30 15.58.07

 

Sponsored by Girbaud

Him: Don’t involve me in that ever again.

Me: Excuse me?

Him: You heard me. I don’t want to be part of your circus. I don’t care to sit there while you open a bank account, on a day when we’ve planned to meet for a picnic. You’ve been extremely passive agressive today and I don’t want to be part of whatever game it is you’re playing.

(long pause)

Me: Well… It’s a nice day, and we finally made it to the park. Eat your sandwich, maybe, and you won’t be hangry anymore?

(long pause. we eat. i start to play ukulele.)

Me: Hey, we wrote this song together. Do you remember writing this song?

Him: Yes.

(pause)

Me: Right. We wrote it. Where were we?

(pause)

Me: You don’t remember? We were at your apartment in Cobble Hill. I was complaining about your tendency to hoard things – it’s a real fire hazzard, and I’d twisted my ankle in the clothing/furniture/old paper maze to your bed. It was hot and you had rigged up a ‘fan contraption,’ remember?

2013-04-30 15.31.19

Him: It was two fans working in tandem to circulate the air.

Me: That’s right! I was asking about American Hwangap at the Magic Theater. You said you’d written a chord progression for the end of the show, remember?

(pause)

Me: I said we owed it to Thin Skin Jonny to turn it into a song. Surely you remember?

(pause. i start singing.)

If I said more often,

How good you look…

In the morning time, boy

Wouldn’t that have been fine?

If I told you,

How good you cook

You make your own beef jerky.

Who makes their own beef jerky?

2013-04-30 15.44.23

 

Would you let me stay?

Would you let me stay?

Hey hey hey.

Would you let me stay?

Ah haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..

 

And if I said I’m sorry,

For all the fighting last December,

Would you say, It’s okay –

As far as you remember

If I said I was a lonely boy

Who really really misses you

Can I be the only boy who

Gets to hug and kiss you…

 

I wanna be the only boy-

Would you let me st-

Him: That’s enough.

(pause)

2013-04-30 15.33.05

Me: I’ll stop singing that song, but not because you told me to.

Him: Michael, I’ve moved beyond this. I have completed my grief cycle. I’ve come out the other side a better man.

Me: And I kept singing the songs that made us feel immortal. What’s your point?

Him: You can’t hold on to love for too long. It will burden you. It will anchor you down.

Me: Oh really? I was thinking the opposite. I was thinking that I’m a writer. I’m a songwriter. I’m a playwright. I write comedy for television and star in sketch shows. I was thinking I might keep singing my songs, because you know what? People are buying them now.

(pause)

Do you want writing credit for this, or no? Because I don’t want to deal with a lawsuit later on.

Him: You’re ridiculous and passive agressive to the nth degree and I’m not your boyfriend any longer. I don’t have to put up with it.

Me: Oh. No. You did not. Gurl, you better hold my gold.

Him: You have to let this go.

2013-04-30 15.44.21

Me: No, I don’t. You’re not my boyfriend anymore and I don’t have to put up with you telling me what to do. I can love whomever I want. I can keep loving you, Norman. I can love Carson, too. I can love Andrew forever too, if I want to. I don’t have to do what you tell me to do. How’s that for passive aggressive? Or was that just agressive?

(pause. i play more uke.)

So if I do all the laundry…

If I go and buy all the paper towels,

Will you rent a hall?

Will you write some wedding vows?

If I pick up all my dirty socks.

If I go and put back the toothpaste cap,

When our kid has chicken pox

Will you pick up a midnight snack?

 

And would you let me stay?

Would you let me stay?

Hey hey hey? Hey.

Would you let me stay?

Ah Haaaaaaaaaaaa ah.

2013-04-30 15.58.01

 

Maybe I’ll change?

Maybe I’ll change.

Maybe I’ll look at myself

I’ll re-arrange things when I change

Ah Haaaaaaaaaaaaa ah.

 

I just realized,

When I saw your eyes.

I don’t want to… Stay….  

2013-04-30 16.00.12

 

To Be Continued…

DSCF1357

 

-3

What Gay People Talk About

photos by eryc perez de tagle

Happy Sunday, Jerks!

Thin Skin Jonny had a show on Friday night at UCBeast.  We were lucky enough to perform with Momma Holler, Kevin Michael Murphy and Lauren Adams, Danger Pin and the hilarious Ben Lerman.

We’re going to be hosting a monthly showcase of comedy music at UCBeast, so keep your eyes peeled for that.

Here’s a clip of us doing Giulia Rozzi and Margot Leitman’s amazing storytelling show Stripped Stories.  We also did their Sirius Radio podcast!  You can download the episode for free here.  Warning – the song is slightly NSFW.

Thanks for watching, and Happy Sunday!

Jerks.

Salon Party II

Him:  Hey.  It’s you again.

Me:  That’s right.  How has the party been?

Him: Great.  It was great.  You guys are great.

Me:  Great.  That’s great.  So great.

Him:  You’re an ass.

Me:  I am.

marcos sanchez

Him:  Sorry that was meant to be a joke.  I meant to say, you have a nice ass.

Me:  Thank you. I suppose everyone has seen it.

Him:  That might be accurate.  Good job keeping it in your shorts.

Me:  So far.

Him:  So far?

Me:  The night’s not over.  If I think I can get these homos to run around in their underwear, I might just do it.

Him:  Really?

Me:  I mean.  Yeah.  I like when people act free.

Him:  Okay.

dan paul roberts

adam gardiner’s spoken word

(I touch his hair)

Me:  You have amazing hair.

Him:  Ha.  Well now you say that?

Me:  Yes.  Now I say it.

Him:  You were just hitting on the guy sitting next to me!

Me:  Yeah I was.  Not really though.  But yeah.  Kind of.

Him:  Which is it?

Me:  I flirt with everyone.  I like affection.  So I give a lot of it away, hoping the world will respond in kind.

paolo raymundo

robbie and jeffrey

Him:  Hm…

Me:  I doesn’t always mean I want to doink a guy, just cause i play with his earlobes at a party.

(I touch his ear lobes)

Him:  Now you’re really an ass.

Me:  You’re probably right.  I won’t argue.

Him:  Good. 

Me:  I do my best.

Him:  You succeed.

stephen slate

Me:  What do you succeed at?

Him:  I work in fashion.  But the low end of it, not the high end.  Think closer to Target than Gucci.

Me:  These are KMart shoes.

(pause)

Him:  Lovely.

Me:  Thanks.  Don’t be blinded by the glamor.

Him:  Do my best.  Hey, are those fake glasses?

Me:  Yes.

Him:  Why do you wear them?

Me:  I don’t know.  I started wearing them and then it became a point of controversy somehow, with some online losers, and I kind of refused to back off of it.

Him:  It does seem inauthentic, somehow, no?

Me:  Maybe.  But, I don’t really like people telling me what I should do, especially if it’s something trivial like a pair of glasses.  Especially internet strangers.  Also, I think they look cute.

Him:  Do you know what you should do?

Me:  Please tell me.  I love when strangers tell me what I should be doing.

Him:  You should get a pair of glasses that are more expensive looking, to add an air of authenticity. 

(long pause)

Me:  HAHAHAHAHA!!  I like that.  I like that a lot.

Him:  Really?  What did I say?

Me:  You’re in the fashion industry – low end – and you challenge my authenticity.  First of all, that’s funny.  Then, your solution to my problem of being inauthentic is to appear more authentic.  I love that your advice wasn’t how to be more authentic, but rather to seem more authentic to other people, so as not to provoke their criticism.

Him:  You love that advice?

Me:  Yeah.  It tickled me.  I loved it.  Says a lot about you.

Him:  Does it?

Me:  I think so.  Says you value the appearance of authenticity, for sure.

Him:  Ugh.  No.  Not this.

Me:  Haha – what?

Him:  This isn’t the conversation I’m having right now.  It’s Saturday night.

Me:  Back to giving me unsolicited fashion and branding advice?

Him:  You’re hard to handle, huh?

Me:  It’s hard being attracted to someone who’s annoying you.

Him:  How did you know what I was thinking?

Me:  I didn’t.  I was thinking that about you.

Him:  What did I do that was annoying??

Me:  Do you remember earlier when you covered my mouth?

Him:  It sounded like you were going somewhere bad with what you were saying.

Me:  I was talking about oppressed minorities.   I said “All oppressed minorities – Asians, Blacks, Gays,” and then you covered my mouth.  Remember?

Him:  There were black people listening.

Me:  Yes.  I know.  I was aware of that.

Him:  It sounded like you were going somewhere bad.

Me:  I wasn’t.   I was talking about how we form communities.

Him:  Well I covered your mouth.

Me:  I know.  I registered that.  I thought, hey, this guy is doing one of the most condescending things possible right now.  Also, he’s super hot.

Him:  Well.  Sorry.  And thank you.

Me:  Eh.  It’s a party.  People are going to act weird.  Didn’t you see me running around in an apron singing songs?

Him:  Very true.  Hey.  I think I might be able to take you on one of those awkward dates sometime.

Me:  I think you’re right.

Him:  I’m great at awkward.

Me:  I’m great at self defeating behavior.  We could really fuck this date up, kiddo.  Let’s do it!

Him:  Okay.  You’re on.  One awkward date.

Me:  You have no idea what you’re in for.

Salon Party

allison michael orenstein

Thin Skin Jonny, me, Robbie and Marcos got a bunch of artists together for tonight.  We’re having another Salon party.

kristen yoonsoo kim

It’s going to be fun.  Lots of comics, writers, singers, poets.  They’re all bringing food and drink.  They’re all going to perform a little.  It’s how poor art fags entertain themselves during a heat wave.

kyk

It starts at 8pm.  If you know me and you didn’t get invited, and you wanna come, please txt me.  I’ll send you the addy.

kyk

I’m making savory mini-quiche.

kyk

Come drop by.  We’ll tell jokes, read poems, sing songs, and eat pies I made.

Be good to see you there.

adam gardiner

ag

ag

Thin Skin Jonny

(featured photos by Adam Gardiner)

We’re doing it.  Finally.

After work-shopping and writing , and arguing and re-writing and cutting, and arguing and apologizing, and promoting editing and rehearsing, and arguing and getting all up in each others’ shit we have a show.

And we’re proud of that show.

It’s at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theater at 307 West 26th Street.  Saturday, at midnight.  Tickets are five dollars.

Subject matter includes:  abortion, sweat shops, psychic vampires, Four Loko abuse, gay porn addiction, zombies, Bea Arthur, and more…

Come watch as Daniel frets about his mother, Ari claims not to be Gay (yeah right, why else would she join a Gay band??), Marcos becomes more and more obsessed with vaginas, and I pursue a dubious relationship with an underage Korean boy (not Daniel – okay, it’s Daniel).

Your honor, I swear he told me he was 17.  What am I supposed to do?

Check I.D.s??

Joining us on the electric piano is Ari Scott.

Sexy Shameless McGreedy dances and plays clarinet.

The lovely Robbie Fowler plays trumpet, and has some tricks up his sleeve.

The whole shebang is directed by miss Pam Murphy.

Be nice to see you.  We’ll go out afterward and grab a drink.

You’re not being a good stalker if you don’t go, and you’ve been promising me for a long time to stalk me a little better.

Come share this with us, and we’ll go dancing…

How’s that sound?

Jerk.

Vice Salon Party

Photos by Adam Gardiner

VICE approached me about doing a PIEFOLK piece online.

I said, sure.

A reporter named Kristin Yoonsoo Kim came over.  She hung out with me and a few friends while we baked and talked about religion, atheism, oppression and internet stalkers.

We made meat pies.  Pulled pork braised with Kim chi, nectarines, and broccoli.

There was a salon party after.  People showed up and ate pie, drank whiskey, and sang songs.  There were comedy pieces. Poems were read.  It was a lively evening.

Adam Gardiner was nice enough to take these photos.  They are stunning.

Ben Lerman sang ukulele songs.

Marcos Sanchez played a few Thin Skin Jonny songs with me.

Will Choy read a comedy piece.

Robbie Fowler sang a Lady Gaga song, mashed up with Guns and Roses.

Kevin Michael Murphy sang from a musical comedy he wrote.

Jon Flor Sisante broke everyone’s hearts with this song:

Everyone had a blast, and there was singing and spontaneous ruckus raising afterward.

There was a good vibe in the air.  People seemed generous and warm all night.

I was happy I’d invited the people I did.

Paolo Raymundo designed me a couture apron.  I was so sheepish about it.  It was flattering.

I’m grateful to Adam for these gorgeous photos.  Thanks for making it an amazing party.

You guys were great.

New Video! Highlights from PRIDEFEST TALLAHASSEE!

Hey guys!  Here’s a montage video of Thin Skin Jonny’s show in Talllahassee.  We were asked to come down and play for PRIDEFEST, so we did!  So much fun was had.  We loved it.