People Send Me Stuff

Okay.  So, I never claimed I wasn’t strange.

I’m pretty weird.

That’s a given.  You’ve been to my site.  You’ve poked around.  You get it.  Weirdo city, right?

Still.  The things people send me…

Sometimes it’s pretty straightforward.

Like this:

So no pies this morning. But I did make muffins. Banana yogurt walnut. Pic

If I’d known there was a pie lifestyle (piestyle?), I’d have signed up

5’8″ 150 45 neg vers smart creative prof type. Also pics attached.



I’d love to have you over to bake.  You seem like a nice guy and your letter mentioned baked goods, and you included a face (omitted) pic and a torso shot.  What a gentleman.  I love that you are not afraid of using a floral speedo as underwear for your internet torso photo shoot.  Shows you have a real sense of humor, and you don’t take yourself too seriously.

Now, when you say you’re a ‘smart, creative, prof type’ do you mean what I hope you mean???

‘Prof’ means Professor, right? Not Professional?  Please say you’re a ‘Professor.’  Like Charles Xavier or Emma Frost? Someone who trains young mutants to cope with their staggeringly overwhelming super powers? Just say that you run a school for gifted youngsters, please?   If that’s true, you can plan to have me as your husband and baby daddy for the rest of your life, or until a Legacy Virus makes us make hard choices and really examine who we are…

If ‘Prof’ means professional:  I will still bake with you.  I am just less excited.

Know what?  I just realized something.  You, more likely than not, meant ‘Professional’.

Hm.  Well… I look forward to baking with you at least.  Just, uh….

Stay out of my THOUGHTS Professor!!

On to the next internet weirdo!!!  He didn’t sign his letter, so I’ll just call him Klaus.

wow – PIEFOLK looks like an amazing project,
I´m really curious to see what you are doing in your kitchen,

(You don’t have to be, Klaus – I’m pretty open about what I’m doing in my kitchen.  I photograph it and broadcast it)

I have no experience with making pies and meeting guys
but like the way you present yourself on your blog
and I´m willing to learn more about it

Here’s the drawing that Klaus sent me.

Obviously this old man should NOT stop smoking opium.   He’s simply been accosted by a young boy with a pail full of clear gelatin….  Uh…  Right?  I think that’s pretty clear.  In any case-

Thanks again for writing in, Klaus…

Next internet weirdo, please?

so you handle cock and the handle food, thats gross

bloe me

Thanks for your feedback, Bloe Me.  I can see you’ve taken the time to cultivate the image of who you are, when you enter the internet world.  Your internet identity is Bloe Me.  Wow.  That’s so important. I can tell you want to really be the change you want to see in the world.  I love you for that. I really do.

Here’s my comeback.  Ready?

I bake in my own home.  I wash my hands, stupid.

But there’s really nothing stopping me from working in any of New York’s commercial kitchens, or restaurants…  I mean – I’m certified…

AREN’T YOU EXCITED???  You’ll never know if it was secretly ME who made your food!!!  Yay!!!  We both win!!  But really just me.

You’re welcome.

Next. Internet. Weirdo.  Please?

Strength Training.  Chapter one:  Involve yourself in a horrible accident.

Thanks for your letter!!!  It makes total sense!


As much as I make fun of you for sending me weird shit? I’m pretty grateful.  It’s pretty cool to be communicating with you weirdos, even if I don’t always understand it…

Like I said at the top of this post – I’m a weirdo myself.  I live by the weirdo code.  I have respect for you weirdlings, even if it seems like i don’t.

So, thanks, weirdos, for writing in.

And please.  Have a good week.


People Send Me Stuff

Hunter Kazorowski made this needlepoint and sent me a photo online.

People send me weird stuff online now.  Some of it makes sense, given that this is a pithy gay pie blog.  Some of it doesn’t.

But I love my readers, and you guys can continue to send me stuff.  Just not creepy stuff, okay, guys?  Seriously.  No photos of poop.  Unless, you know, it’s a miracle dump and the Virgin has appeared in it.  Then, okay.

No, wait.  Not even then. No poop.  I want zero pictures of poop.

Oh poop.  What was I talking about?

See?  This is fine.  Perfectly handsome young guy sent me a nice shot of his lean body.  It was coupled with these pies he made:

What a nice guy.  He wants to come bake with me.  Maybe I’ll let him…  He’s being pretty nice so far.  We’ll see…

I love the freedom of the internet.  I love how people are getting less afraid to live their lives openly.

I love that there’s something about my site that stirs people to send things to me.  I feel lucky.  I feel grateful.

Here’s a letter from  a guy in Montreal:

This is an apple pie,as denoted by the apple decoration.
I picked the apples myself, they are cortlands.
I have a tendency to put a blend of ginger, cardamom, cloves, and cinnamon into an apple pie, a balance that does not overwhelm the apple taste is essential.
The crust also has some old cheddar in it.
It was very good, though the application of egg wash was not very uniform.
I would bake a pie with you sometime if you would like, sometime when I am in New York.
I live in Montreal, ever been?

This be me last time I was in New York.
I like your site, very entertaining.
Tell Kazu we have a very good izakaya bearing his name in the city, people are lined up out the door all the time.

Did you hear that, Little Brother?  Blake (pictured above) says there’s a good izakaya in Montreal.

Aren’t my fellow gays sweet?

This guy is pretty beautiful, right?  He lives a few states away but he wants to come bake with me this summer at some point.  Okay, I said.  Then I said, are you over 18?  Then he said, 22.  Then I said, bring ID.  We can’t have the neighbors talking, after all…

Oh yeah:  remember that artist, Lex Millena?  He finished the watercolor he was making for me.  It’s beautiful.  Lex is beautiful.

Thanks Lex.  Thanks, everyone.  You guys are pretty awesome. Jerks.

People Send Me Stuff

From time to time people send me stuff.

I think my blog tickles a voyeuristic streak they have.  I dunno, really.  I’m grateful for the photos, drawings, etc.

You can send me stuff, if you want.  Just email me at

These pictures below are from a guy named H:

I didn’t know if he wanted me using his name.  So, I’ll just keep it to H.

I think these are some great shots.  They seem self conscious and un-self conscious at the same time, which is really what you want for an internet photo of yourself semi-nude.  Or if you made a pie:

See what I mean?  Unselfconscious and shy at the same time.  Adorable.

I like this one.  It looks candid.

This next one, however, is slutty and staged:

I mean, the pies look expert, sure, but a trio of egg pies?? Nestled together for warmth?

You might as well send me an evite to a threesome.

Just to be clear.  I was joking.  Don’t invite me to any threesomes.  My mom reads this blog, Jerks.

Even so.  Thanks for sending me stuff, guys.  You’re all beautiful, perfect creatures of the Universe.

Enjoy the boy/pie photos.  Jerks.