People have been asking me questions here and there, lately, and for better or for worse – I’ve started answering them. I find some of the letters cropping up in my inbox compelling. Please don’t take my advice. I’m not a doctor. I’m just a guy who makes pies and plays the field. Even so…
I think it’s cool we have the same name. Yay, Philippines! My last long term boyfriend was from the Philippines. If I may say so, you guys seem to have a pretty great culture. Talented, convivial people.
I’m also a proud gay who has no intention of fucking with girls. Yay! Gay “prouds”!
Wow. I guess 21 is a long time to be waiting to lose your virginity, huh? But I have a few friends that waited even longer than that. I don’t think they regret it much, on the whole. They also don’t seem malformed as adults because of waiting so long. I think that’s something to consider. You might consider waiting to have sex with this guy, if you’re not attracted to him.
Are you attracted to him? It sounds like you might not be. Listen, not for nothing, you’re a 21 year old guy – an Asian guy to boot – in a country full of friendly, pasty white stoners. YOU CAN GET A DATE. People might be slightly creepy and exoticize you about your ethnic identity, but I think you can probably get a date. So, are you attracted to him? It sounds like, from your tone, you’re not. Then again, maybe you’re on the fence. It’s very hard to tell online if there would be chemistry in person.
I say make him buy you dinner and prove his case. Make him take you out.
I’m Icelandic myself, on my father’s side. I can say this about Icelanders: We are warm, considerate, stubborn, sweet jerks. He might charm the pants off you at dinner, and then you can decide if you want your first time to be with someone almost 30 years older than you. If he acts impatient, don’t sleep with him. He’s not the right guy for the job.
That’s the thing about hooking up online – you don’t have to go through with it. It’s just a starting off point. You can always back out. Just because you two had some sexy talks online doesn’t mean you have to fuck him. He’s 30 years older than you. Make him work for your attraction.
I think there are plenty of younger gays in your local area that would love to be your first. But, if you wind up finding this guy attractive, sleep with him. You’ll be glad it’s over. Please be respectful of him and if you reject him, find a way to let him keep his pride.
Don’t expect sex to be great the first time. It can be awkward, and it can take a while to enjoy yourself. Don’t go through too much pain, though. If it hurts or he’s not being considerate, make him stop. Again, if he acts impatient, he’s not the right guy to be taking your virginity.
You’re beautiful, and perfect, and I love you for writing me this letter. Mabuhay!
Enjoy the Advice, Jerks.