TuesDATE: Excuse Me?

Sometimes people ask me on dates.  They see me online and they think I’m the answer to their life’s problems or loneliness.  Invariably I prove them wrong.

But, then again, sometimes people just run into me at the store, and make me smile for days.  Invariably I prove them right.

Her:  Excuse me?

Me:  What?

Her:  Well…  nothing, I guess…

Me:  Nothing’s ever Nothing.

Her: What?

Me: An old saying…

Her:  Nobody buys flour anymore.  I’m happy to see you buying flour.  Did I tell you?  I’m Seventy Two…

Me:  That’s older than me.  I’m a baker.  I bake stuff…    I’m here visiting my brother and his lovely wife and family.

Her: How’s that?

Me:  I gotta tell you, it’s pretty amazing.

Her: MY brother has a wife and family.  But he married a Roman Catholic.


Me:  Well.


Me:  It could have been ‘worse…”  He could have married a Muslim or a Buddhist…

Her:  Huh.  But he MARRIED a Roman Catholic

(long pause where this is supposed to set in…)

Me:  Yeah – that’s bound to be…

Her:  We never see him….  He’s always with people different than us…

Me:  Yeah that sucks…


(long pause.)


Her:  You know, my minister is gay.  Of the Baptist Church.

Me:  Is that a fact?

Her: Yes.  This IS Ohio, after all…

Me: (bewildered) Yeah, you’re right…  I forgot that it was…

Her:  He’s Gay.  And I respect that…   You…  I mean, look at you…   I’m pretty sure, if you look at it scientifically….  I mean.  Gay people are smart?  Right?

Me: I am inclined to agree with you…

Him:  That will be $15:23, sir.  Do you have a club card?

Me:  No.  I’m from out of town.

Her:  I think he can use my club card.  I’d like that…

Him:  You want to use her club card?

Me:  Do you mind if we game the system?

Him:  $13:04 please.

Me:  What’s your name?

Her:  Esther Price.  It’s very nice to meet you.

Me:  On the contrary – it’s very nice to meet you, Esther Price.

Her:  If you say so.

Me:  I do say so…

Her:  Just don’t marry any Roman Catholics…

Me:  I probably won’t…

(Enjoy the TuesDATE, Jerks)

2 thoughts on “TuesDATE: Excuse Me?

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