Japanese Little Brother

That’s the last of it, probably, right?

Winter’s loosening it’s grip.

It’s not over, but you can feel it in the air. It’s almost over.

There’s still a chill, here, in my kitchen. Winter’s hooks are still right outside the window. I haven’t yet taken my shoes off from outside, for fear my feet would suffer. They take much longer to warm up, now that I’m older.

I’ve been thinking about the internet a lot lately. I’ve had some real, vitriolic haters emerge, lately. Don’t get me wrong — there’s been much much more support and kindness, but a few nasty jerks have reared their heads, too. I’ve gained a lot a friends and lost a few.

That’s to be expected, I guess. But I’ve been thinking about the internet. Guys. What if we’re on the verge of something great here? What if we’re on the precipice of a huge leap forward for humankind? Hear me out on this:

What if humanity is about to move to a more golden age? Look! Dictatorships are toppling across the Middle East. Listen – the democratic murmurs arise from a new, powerful middle class in China. Feel – the stirrings of a new type of human experience – wait, that was just too much kimchee at dinner. But you understand what I’m driving at.

The internet is in its infancy, still. It’s helping to trigger revolutions, not just political ones, but economic and social ones. Look. I’m a grown man simultaneously broadcasting my thoughts on humanity, and pictures of pie, my Japanese little brother, and my butt crack. What I’m clearly trying to say is: Humanity We’ve Arrived.

We’re at that golden age we always dreamed of. All we need is a few more dictators to fall, a few more people to open their hearts, and a few more women elected in the senate. Seriously. They’re under represented. Gays too. Get on board gays, ladies, and gay ladies.

Yes, I’m telling Ellen to run for office.

Pretty soon it won’t be fashionable to hate things online. Pretty soon the world will move beyond that. Toward kindness.

I wonder where that will leave us? What happens when we, as humans, leap forward? I wonder what the haters will do, when it’s not fun and funny to snark it up and look for ways to tear down people they’re jealous of online?

No, fag, I’m not talking about the singularity. Unless, maybe I am? I’m not.

No, wait. I am:

I always thought of the internet as a human scream – the loudest ever heard.

What if that scream is just a symptom of its infancy?

What if it mellows out into a deep hum? What if we take that hum and build off it, until it rises.

Mighty and mature.

A heavenly chorus of voices. All singing at once. What if we become heaven? What if we all become the Horizon?

What if someday we’re so advanced, there’s no need for someone to come and tell us: Enjoy the pie, Jerks?

Damn that Japanese Little Brother Kazu!

He comes over every so often and gets me into the trickiest situations! I think he’s possessed by an Ancient Demon Apple Pie Monster. He always smells fragrant, like apples and cinnamon. Maybe it’s his lip balm.

I promised him baked goods, but all I had in the house was stale blueberry quick bread.

I had to think fast.

You don’t want the Ancient Demon of an Apple Pie Monster to get angry.

Oh. Sidebar:

Look. Usually i don’t wear underwear like this, okay? I usually have something a little less ‘Grandpa-ish’ on when I’m entertaining house guests, especially if they’re young and gay and etc.

But hey. It was laundry day and they were running a sale at one of those dollar stores in Greenpoint, which created a perfect storm for me wearing these horrible undies.

Bread pudding is pretty simple. You just take any stale baked good (bread, muffins, cake, whatever) and you break it up into crumbs. Then you add a certain amount of milk, brown sugar and eggs.

I’m not going to tell you the exact proportions. It’s really simple – just search ‘bread pudding‘ online. Did you click the link? Aren’t I an asshole?

So I used the blueberry quick bread and some fresh blueberries I found at the market. I also put some dark chocolate chips inside the bread.

I had to. I was afraid of the Ancient Demon Apple Pie Monster.

And if I ever want to be Hokage I will have to learn how to keep the Apple Pie Monster from taking over when I’m fighting for Leaf Village.

Little Brother brings out the best in me. Or the worst?

It’s really easy for him to get me to pose for ridiculous photos.

God. I can’t get over how saggy these underwear are.

Lordy.

What was I thinking?

Jeez.

Look at the window behind me. You can see a reflection of my butt. Look at how the underwear sag like an old lady’s triceps.

Oh well. I’ll have to live with it. Laundry doesn’t come back until tomorrow.

The bread pudding was totally great. I ate too much of it and now I have to start going back to the gym. Spring is here, after all, and there’s nothing like being a full grown man obsessed with his body.