Tag: gay lifestyle blog

The Lonely One

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

I like seeing the middle aged Chinese man in the window when I’m walking home at night. He’s usually cooking in the blond lady’s kitchen. Pots and pans and sieves, all hanging around him as he tends to this or that.

I used to work as a local barkeep. The middle aged Chinese man was a regular customer, drinking whiskey and craft beers. He worked in IT, odd hours, which meant he could do things like hang out in local dive bars until very late. He knew lots of little facts about a lot of things and he was respectful. He tipped well, and brought in food he’d made at home. I probably bought him more drinks than I should’ve.

At the time he was single. And lonely. He walked with a limp, and carried a cane. My boyfriend, who also worked at the local bar, used to sit with him until very late. We drank beer, and ate his homemade beef jerky, or scallion pancakes.

Sometimes we would talk about him at home. I would worry. He seemed alienated. My boyfriend would shake his head at me and then touch my face.

“You think about other people too much,” he would say to me. “That’s one of the reasons why I love you.”

That was lifetimes ago. I don’t work at the local bar anymore, and I barely even nod at the middle aged Chinese man as he walks down the street with his cane, and his girlfriend.

Still. I see him. I monitor his happiness. He lives in the apartment building next to mine now, with the blond lady who’s lived there forever, quietly assembling an impressive kitchen. Pots and pans and sieves – all hanging around them, as they tend to this or that.

I’m not a big part of their life or anything.

But I like seeing the middle aged Chinese man in the window, when I’m walking home at night. I like seeing her come into frame, from time to time, and peek over his shoulder. I like seeing him fish out a morsel or a scrap for her to savor. I like seeing them happy, together.

Even if I’m the one who’s lonely now.

You’re Welcome

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

lex millena

Him: Wow. You’re a busy guy.

Me: You’re busy too! It took us months to find some common time. You look good, by the way.

Him: You’re welcome.

Me: Haha. Thanks for looking so good.

Him: I told you – you’re welcome.

Me: So you did. You said you had a doctor’s appointment?

Him: Sort of. Chiropractor.

Me: I agree.

Him: With what?

Me: A Chiropractor is a ‘sort of’ doctor.

Him: Stop! I really like my Chiropractor.

Me: Hm. Got a little crush on him?

Him: Shut up. He’s such a bro, though.

Me: Bro?

Him: Yeah. He’s a ‘hey bro’ type of guy.

Me: I gather you love that.

Him: Yeah, that’s why I play in the gay sports leagues. I like bromance.

Me: You’re hilarious.

Him: I’m worried though.

Me: Why?

Him: He said that he was going to cancel our appointment next week. He doesn’t think I need to see him every single week.

Me: Isn’t that good news?

Him: What? No! It means he’s breaking up with me.

Me: That’s hilarious. Do you really  think that?

Him: What else could it mean?

Me: That you’re getting better?

Him: Yeah, maybe… See – I’m neurotic.

Me: Only a little. Still – that does seem like a Seinfeld plot.

Him: What does?

Me: My Chiropractor Is Breaking Up With Me. Sounds like a Seinfeld episode.

Him: Who watches Seinfeld?

Me: Comedy nerds?

Him: Do you know comedy nerds?

Me: I kind of am one.

Him: Comedy nerds don’t look like you.

Me: You’re welcome?

Him: What?

Me: I was repeating your joke from earlier. Never mind.

(pause)

Me: You’re thinking about your chiropractor, aren’t you?

Him: It’s just, why wouldn’t he want to see me every week? My insurance pays for it.

Me: Listen, if I was being paid an exorbitant amount of money every week to give you a back rub, I’d totally schedule more appointments – not less. Who is this guy?

Him: You’re sweet. Maybe you should be my chiro.

Me: I’m available. I’m only a few hundred dollars an hour.

Him: It’s really bothering me, though.

Me: Would you say you care about other people’s opinions too much?

Him: Yes! I’m totally neurotic about what people think of me.

Me: Oh no. That must suck.

Him: It does. I’m worried about what you’re thinking about me right now.

Me: I’m thinking you’re adorable.

Him: You’re welcome.

Me: Thank you.

(pause)

Me: I think I have the opposite problem…

Him: How so?

Me: I think I don’t care enough what people think of me.

Him: Really?

Me: Yeah. I’m super self absorbed. I had an improv teacher once say “The only absolute in life is your own opinion.” That stuck with me over the years, maybe too much.

Him: That’s a good quote though. I wish I could think that way.

Me: I do think that way, but I wonder if I might be a little bit more successful if I desperately needed to please other people.

Him: Maybe it’s more about you.

Me: Hm?

Him: Do you please yourself, ever?

Me: I’m happy with certain things. Milestones, or accomplishments. But even when I do a really good job in a show or at an audition, I still feel mildly dissatisfied.

Him: Maybe that’s the trick – pleasing yourself.

Me: That’s a very astute observation.

Him: We should order. I want oysters.

Me: This restaurant is great, by the way. You made a good selection.

Him: You’re welcome.

You’re the Jerk, Jerk

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

photos by tommy kha

Him: Do you intentionally go on dates with people that you think you’re more intelligent than to make yourself look better when you write about it online? I’m serious. You come off as so holier-than-thou you’re either embellishing – or at least altering to your advantage – much of these conversations, or you go out of your way to find idiots to make fun of to your readers on the internet. It was funny the first few reads, but it’s just the same old bad date where “Him” doesn’t have any social tact or depth, and “Me” is completely grounded, sane, and level-headed. Is this a self-esteem thing? It really is starting come off as “look at how great I am! Can you believe I keep going on these dates with such duds?!” Do you go on any good dates? Are these just the bad ones? Look, I don’t mean to be an asshole. You seem like a cool guy. You seem interesting, you’re hot, you’re funny, and I bet you make delicious food, but to be frank, you’re really starting to come off as a big jerk, Jerk.

Me: Andrew, you really have to work on your flirting skills… Still, it’s flattering…

Him: I figured that’s the type of response I’d get, seeing as how what I wrote wasn’t some two-dimensional middle-school comment criticizing something on your bookshelf. But I’ll take it as a sort of affirmation: you’re a jerk.

Me: Andrew, what you wrote was an out and out attack that I didn’t feel deserved a serious response. I don’t understand what type of reaction you were trying to trigger by calling me a bunch of names? I blog about awkward dates and cringe-worthy situations – it’s right at the top of my web page. If you don’t like it, best just to close the site rather than attack me for it.

Where do you blog online? I’d like to read what you write, make personal assumptions about you, and criticize your choices.

Oh wait, no I wouldn’t. But if you’d like to go on a date…

Him: I didn’t call you names, nor did I attack you. I stated how you are coming off to me in these re-caps of your dates, and asked you questions about them. Don’t put something on the internet – let alone allow people to comment about it – if you can’t handle criticism or give a dignified response.

I’m not even criticizing you for writing about your awkward dates. I think that’s a funny premise. My only criticism comes from how extremely one-sided the awkwardness seems in every single post. It’s like the entire time you’re rolling your eyes, or winking to the audience, throughout the re-cap. I’m sure I’m not the first to wonder why you’re consistently going on so many awful dates that you seem over or better than before they even begin.

I don’t have a blog myself, but if I did and I wrote about something as personal as you do in the way in which you write, I would expect personal assumptions, criticism (both constructive and not) and yes, the occasional attack (which I still believe is not what I did).

Me: I’m not surprised that you don’t have a blog yourself. Some people find it easier to criticize the work of others than to actually put themselves out there in a real way. You called me holier-than-thou, and implied that I suffer from self esteem issues, no? That’s what I meant when I said you were name calling and attacking.

I’m a little confused. You say you like the premise, but then complain when I execute the premise. That seems like an odd complaint. So, you think my postings are a little one sided? Okay, fine, but I’m not naming these people or showing photographs of them. I’m not harming anyone by writing this. Me blogging about the dates in a ‘one-sided’ way is the equivalent of me telling my pals over brunch about an awful date I had last night. Who’s side am I supposed to tell but my own?

Am I intentionally going out with people who seem awkward, defensive, or lacking in social skills? Absolutely. That’s what I write about, after all. That’s my currency. Do I think I’m better than them, or smarter than them? Nope. I just write about the awkward, cringe-worthy things they wind up saying to me.

I’m not going to apologize for expressing myself on my own website. I get that you don’t like it, but I’m flattered that you’re reading.

Andrew, this really is the most convoluted way anyone’s ever asked me on a date. Sheesh.

Wanna know more about the redhead with the side boob?

She’s doing a hilarious show at Upright Citizen’s Brigade called Naked People.

FriDATE: Tainted

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

photos by tri vo

Him: Ugh. I’m so full. That was good food, actually.

Me: Actually?

Him: Yeah, I was expecting it to be bad. Most people are bad cooks.

Me: Oh. Thanks?

Him: Don’t worry. It’s a compliment.

Me: I wasn’t worried. But thank you.

Him: Still. I thought there would be pie.

Me: I didn’t make any today.

Him: I wonder if your pie is any good?

Me: It’s a mystery.

Him: Should I help you do the dishes?

Me: Nah. It’s always awkward doing the dishes in another person’s house. I know where everything goes.

Him: But I feel bad!

Me: Well don’t. I invited you over for dinner.

Him: We should drink this wine I brought. I don’t like the beer.

Me: The beer’s almost gone anyway – but I better lay off the wine.

Him: Why? It’s Saturday night.

Me: I’m feeling oddly full. Like indigestion somehow. Plus I’m teaching all day tomorrow so I better just behave.

Him: Boring! I’m gonna drink this wine.

Me: Have at it.

Him: You’re acting weird. Can I look at your books and judge you on your bookshelf?

Me: Sure, but most of the stuff I really like has been lent out to people that haven’t returned it. So…

Him: That’s what I’d say too, if I were being judged.

Me: …

Him: Ohmygod. You have the Popol Vuh! Can I have this book?

Me: What?

Him: Can I have this book? Did you read it already?

(pause)

Me: Uh, sure… You can have the book.

Him: No. I don’t really want it.

Me: It sounded like you did. I just had to think about whether I’m ever going to read it, and I don’t think I am. So go ahead and take it.

Him: Nah. It’s in English, and my professor translated it in Spanish. I think I’ll read it in Spanish. I don’t want to be tainted by the English version.

Me: Yes. By all means – don’t taint yourself.

Him: Ew. Why do you have Joy Luck Club?

Me: Somebody gave it to me. I thought it was a good read.

Him: It’s super racist.

Me: Really? How so? It didn’t strike me as terribly racist.

Him: Oh I don’t know. I haven’t read it. My professor says it’s racist and I believe him. I’m getting more wine.

Me: I’ve had a few Chinese American friends read it and say it was relatively close to their own experiences as first generation Americans. I don’t think Amy Tan is a member of the Klan or anything.

Him: Hm. Wow. I’m really plowing through this wine. You should have some with me.

Me: I don’t know if that’s a great idea. I’m feeling a little off. I ate this ham earlier today. It was really cheap and I think it was leftover from Easter. I’m feeling strange.

Him: Something’s wrong with the lighting in here. You need something less bright than this lamp, but brighter than this other one.

Me: I have this – flip that switch over there.

Him: Ohmygod! What is this??

Me: It’s an antique x-ray light from the 1950’s. There’s an actual x-ray in there, too.

Him: Ew. Gross. I don’t like it. I do not like it.

Me: Okay then. Turn it off.

Him: I’m pouring myself some more wine.

Me: Go for it.

Him: I’m not leaving until I finish this wine.

Me: Well you don’t have far to go.

Him: Let’s lay on your bed for a minute.

Me: Hey. You’re really cute, but I’m starting…  Feel my forehead. Do I have a fever?

Him: Um. NO. You don’t.

Me: You didn’t feel my forehead.

Him: Come on. Just lay down with me.

Me: I’m really feeling out of sorts. Like, I think I may have eaten tainted food.

Him: Ugh. Look. I’m going to be straightforward. I want to have sex. Do you want to have sex?

Me: I think you’re attractive – but I’m really not feeling well. I think I gave myself food poisoning, somehow.

Him: You’re acting irrational and weird. Make out with me.

Me: You need to work on your game.

Him: What?

Me: You don’t call people weird and irrational and then ask them to make out. Listen to me, okay? I think I have a fever.

Him: So, sex, or no sex?

Me: No sex. Probable diarrhea.

Him: Me and my friends are going dancing tonight. You should come.

Me: I. Am. Ill.

Him: Okay, cool. Am I ever going to see you again, mister?

Me: Maybe. Maybe we can hang out again…

Him: Look. Just tell me right now yes or no.

Me: This is a first date. Cool it on the ultimatums.

Him: I’m not leaving until I finish my wine.

Me: I gathered.

Him: I really like your apartment, actually.  I expected not to like it.

Me: Thank you. You’re too kind.  Jerk.

Letters

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

photos by eryc perez de tagle

Hey Michael: I think I spelled your name right. I just wanted to take the time and tell you I enjoyed reading your blog and I also wanted some advice.

My current boyfriend lives 2 hrs away from me and is highly attractive. He’s not out of the closet either so he won’t hold my hand in public unless we’re at the gay bar or something. He also does not want to introduce me to his friends who KNOW he’s gay. Which i find odd. He says it’s too soon. But he’s met my family. And he also texts facing his phone away from me. That really bugs me. He doesn’t text often but when he does it’s in a very suspicious manner. I’ve found myself creeping on his facebook, which is empty really, every now and then. And don’t tell me to talk to him about it because when i do, he gets very angry. Apparently, i’m asking too much too soon. we’re six months in now. So do you think i’m being paranoid or am i on to something here?

Thanks for reading.

Sincerely,

LewieCharles

Hey Lewie,

Thanks for writing in. First let me say – your new boyfriend is not the only ‘highly attractive’ one in the family. You’re looking pretty good over there yourself.

I’d say that you’re right to be suspicious. Him hiding his txting from you is a clear indication he’s speaking to someone he doesn’t want you to know about. Add that to the other pieces of the puzzle (he lives two hours away, he won’t introduce you to his friends, even though they know he’s gay) and it certainly creates a shady looking picture. It sounds like he could be dating or sleeping with more than just you.

But, ultimately, that doesn’t matter. Seriously. It doesn’t.

Here’s what matters: He’s been with you for six months and won’t even introduce you to his friends. He’s in the closet. He gets angry when you try to initiate communication. Dump him.

This isn’t the relationship you want, and he’s never going to suddenly turn into the type of guy you want him to be. It doesn’t work like that. You deserve a proud young man that can introduce you to his parents, or at least his friends. Someone who will show you affection in public. Someone who won’t blow up at you if you want to talk about something bothering you.

The issue isn’t whether you have a right to be suspicious. The issue is whether you’re going to insist on the type of partner you deserve. And believe me, Lewie – with a face like that (and other lovely, erm…  assets) you can afford to be picky.

Everyone should afford to be picky. Better to be alone than settle for something disappointing.

You’re a beautiful young man, Lewie. Thanks for writing in.

 Dear Michael, I am a 21 bisexual studying in a former Soviet country at the moment.
I have been reading your blog after discovering it on Vice recently.
It fucking rocks. It has helped me so much in regards to respecting
myself and loving myself more, and not being ashamed or confused about
my sexuality. I like how you said that you consider bisexuals fully
gay and straight, and that is in a way very comforting.

I also got inspired to make a crust-less quiche in our shitty
dormitory in our toaster oven. I used sour cream instead of all milk
and a little beer for the egg base. I also filled it with lost of
onions bacon and some cheese. Hope you enjoy the picture as much as I
enjoyed eating the product photographed.

Keep on keepin’ on Comrade Martinov!

-T

Hey T –

Wow.  I hope you mean that you added sour cream to an already milk base, and you added (instead of substituting)  beer to an egg base. It looks like you did. For dorm food, it looks exceptionally yummy.

Thanks for all the praise. I’m glad you’re learning to live without some of the god-awful shame the world still persists in trying to invoke upon us. There’s always room for more self-respect and love, so I’m glad I could inspire it. Flattered even. Thanks for reaching out.

Hang in there. I feel like bi-sexual men are frequently met with a suspicious or patronizing attitude from the LGBT community. Glad you’re still willing to love yourself.

That photograph is both sexy and hilarious at the same time. Today, you win the internet.

Thanks for taking the time to write and send in your photos.

Jerks.

Alone

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

photos by tommy kha

I don’t often use my site to re-post things from the internet, but I saw a video today on my Facebook feed and it struck a chord with me.

I’ve been alone for a while, now. A few years have gone by without me dating anyone seriously. A very long term relationship failed, due to mutual neglect and growing apart – and also, my crazy, crazy flaws.

It’s been my mission statement that I don’t want another boyfriend until I’m fully right with myself again, but maybe that’s just jabber. Maybe that’s just something high-minded that I tell myself. What’s closer to the truth is this: I can’t feel anything right now – not in the way that people dating me want to, anyway.

And I need to be alone.

Thanks to the makers of this video for reminding me that wanting to be alone is totally fine.

Naked People

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

photos by tommy kha

That’s my friend Julia Wiedeman.  She came over to make some pie with me.

We made mango pies, because I was reading that mangoes are in season.

That’s me eating some of the mango.

We added strawberries. They were selling for a dollar a pint at my local market, and it was too good a deal to pass up.

Julia is a writer and a performer here in New York City.

She wrote a show called NAKED PEOPLE.  It’s currently playing at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theater.

It’s a one woman sketch show. On top of being extremely funny, it’s very body positive.

Also, there’s the requisite amount of nudity you might expect from a show called NAKED PEOPLE.

I’ve seen Julia’s show, and it’s great. Super hilarious.

We had a shit-ton of fun in my kitchen, too.

We laughed and joked around, and talked about performing – about how you have to constantly shut out that voice inside your head that tells you you’re not good enough.

About how you hear your insecurities nagging at you, but you still get up, get your writing done, and get on stage anyway.

That’s some side boob.

I think Julia’s pretty inspiring. Her show is funny, sure, but it’s also socially forward, challenging, and just plain ballsy.

Her next performance is Thursday, April 12th, at 9:30pm at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theater.

Click here to make a reservation.

Don’t Write About Me

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

photos by eryc perez de tagle

Him: Hey. I know you.

Me: Hey. Do you?

Him: Yeah I think so.

Me: From where?

Him: You’re the guy online.

Me: Oh shit. Yeah. I guess I am. Hi.

Him: Hi.

Me: What’s your name?

Him: Kelley. 

Me: Oh wow. I really like that name for a guy.

Him: Thanks. You’re…?

Me: Michael. It’s nice to meet you.

Him: You too. (pause) Oh my God. Do you have pie?

Me: What?

Him: Did you bring pie?

Me: To a Brooklyn gay bar?  No.  I didn’t.

Him: Well. You’re supposed to be the one who has all the pie, aren’t you, mister?

Me: I suppose I am.

Him: Well see?  You should have brought some.

Me: I’m hoarding it.

Him: You are?

Me: Yeah. I’m hoarding all the pie and nobody can have any except people I like.

Him: Aw!  That’s not fair.

Me: Also I tried bringing pie here before but it made my coat pockets sticky.

Him: Really?

Me: No. But you’re cute.

Him: Really?  So are you.

Me: Thanks. So are you hungry? Wanna get some cheap Mexican food?

Him: Right now?

Me: Yeah, or later. It’s always there, on Grand and Graham.

Him: You know what?  I better say no.  No offense.

Me: I’m… What? I’m not offended.

Him: Yeah but I better say no.

Me: Why?

Him: I’m just more of a prude than you are.

Me: So?

Him: So I’d better not accept a date invitation from you.

Me: ‘Cause you’re a prude?

Him: Yeah. I’m a super prude. I’d never have a website where I do what you do.  Post revealing photographs like that.

Me: They’re not that revealing, are they?

Him: Don’t you think they’re slightly dirty?

Me: Not really. I feel like I’ve seen worse in fashion magazines.

Him: Maybe. But there’s this context. It’s jarring.

Me: That’s on purpose.

Him: Well, mission accomplished.

Me: So, okay. So, don’t start a website where you post photos and stories like I do. What’s that got to do with having some cheap Mexican food with me?

Him: I just think I probably wouldn’t be the best person for you, is all…

Me: Well that’s why people go on dates. To find out if that’s true or not. And to have fun along the way.

Him: Thanks for asking. I’m going to decline.

Me: Okay. I respect that.

Him: Partially, too, I don’t want to get written about.

Me: Oh, I’m probably going to do that.

Him: No!  Why??

Me: Because it’s a slow news week, cutie.

Him: Stop.

Me: I don’t know why. ‘Cause that’s what I do. I probably would write about you either way, but now that you’ve implied I’m too slutty to qualify for a date, I’m definitely going to.

Him: Oh jeez.  That’s not what I meant.

Me: I know. But I have to capitalize on what’s going on in front of me – as a writer.

Him: I’m not an extrovert. I don’t want to be part of your thing. I like it, but I don’t want to be part of it. Why isn’t that okay?

Me: That’s fine. But I might write about it.

Him: Why?

Me: Because I write about conversations I have.

Him: I know, but just don’t write about me.

Me: You’re trying to censor my writing, and you just met me, Kelley.

Him: That’s not true.

Me: What else would you call limiting what I can write about? I’m kidding. I don’t think you’re really trying to censor me. Except for the censorship part.

Him: Okay, fine. Please don’t write about me?

Me: Sure. On one condition.

Him: What?

Me: Come have cheap Mexican food with me. Sit with me and chat for half an hour and I promise I won’t write about you, ever. You don’t have to ever talk to me again.

Him: No. I already said no.

Me: Okay. There it is then.

Him: But, don’t write about me.

Me: Eh. We’ll see…

WednesDATE: Alienation

by piefolk, posted in Uncategorized

photos by tri vo

Him:  How’s your night going?

Me:  Not bad.  I had a show earlier, and I met a few of my idiot friends out here for a night cap.  All in all, a decent showing for a Friday night, I guess…

Him:  What?  Why idiots?

Me:  Oh, I just call my friends idiots.  It’s a compliment, sort of.  They’re funny people, and we usually wind up acting like idiots.

Him:  I spent the evening alone.

Me:  I’m sorry to hear that.  Wait, by choice?

Him:  No, just out of a lack of things to do.

Me:  Oh, right, well then I’m sorry to hear that.

Him:  Are you looking for a boyfriend?

Me:  What?

Him:  Are you looking for a boyfriend?  Like, someone to settle down with?

Me:  I dunno.  I feel lonely sometimes.

Him:  I feel lonely all the time.  Completely alienated.  Even in a crowd.  Maybe especially.

Me:  I think I understand what you mean.  The world has become more alienating, somehow, as we increase our inter-connectivity with social media.

Him:  Haha…  Blame Facebook.  (pause) Yeah.  Facebook’s depressing.

Me:  How do you mean?

Him:  I wake up and check Facebook, and after a certain point i get depressed.

Me:  Can you say why?

Him:  It’s too much, maybe.  All these links and photos.  I saw pictures of my friends having a picnic, and I immediately got nostalgic.  I used to just GO on picnics.

Me:  Haha…  I can see your point.  Facebook has turned us all into voyeurs of the mundane.

Him:  I think it’s evil.  We used to call each other on the phone and catch up with each other, and now, instead we visit a friends Facebook page to scratch the itch of catching up with old friends.  But it’s not interactive.  It’s the illusion of interaction. 

Me:  Yeah.  I get where you’re going.  I try to keep my social media time as low as possible.  And I try to isolate what I think Facebook is good for, and just do that.

Him:  Like what?

Me:  One liner jokes and self promotion.

Him:  But that’s the problem.  Everyone’s like that now, and NOBODY’S looking for a boyfriend.

Me:  Haha…  I guess you’re hunting for one?

Him:  Yeah.  I’m really lonely.

Me:  I don’t like the idea of saying I’m looking for a  boyfriend.  I feel like it’s similar to saying ‘I don’t feel complete without being validated by somebody else.’

Him: Ugh.  That’s how everyone feels.  I just really want a boyfriend.  I don’t care if it’s not a popular point of view.

Me:  That’s pretty clear.  It’s been my experience that people fall in love when they’re ready to do it – when the meet the exact right match for it.  There’s no use putting it on a timetable, or trying to manufacture it.

Him:  Why not?

Me:  I dunno.  Don’t you think that there’s already a lot of pressure, without adding expectations?

Him:  It’s just that…  New York men are just looking for the next person to have sex with.  Nobody wants to settle down.  I liked it better in Berlin.

Me:  You lived in Berlin?

Him:  Yeah.

Me:  Of course you did.

Him:  In Berlin, everyone wants to have a boyfriend.  Then when they’ve been in a relationship for a little while, they start looking to ‘trade up.’

Me:  Sounds like Boyfriend Hopscotch.

Him:  Haha…  I guess so.  But I prefer it to this…

Me:  May I make an observation?

Him:  Okay. 

Me:  I think you might be depressed.

Him:  You might be right.  Aw.  That’s so disappointing.

Me:  What?

Him:  You’re not looking for a boyfriend.  But you’re going on a lot of dates.

Me:  I’m meeting a lot of people, and writing about it.

Him:  Yeah.  I guess.  Pardon me.  I have to check my phone.

Me:  Did you get a txt?

Him:  No.  I just want to check Facebook.

Me:  Ah.  Right.

Him:  Don’t put this on your blog and call me a Jerk.

Me:  I wouldn’t think of it.  This conversation barely qualifies as interesting.

Him:  Wow.  Now you’re being a Jerk.

Me:  I have my moments.