photos by tommy kha

I don’t often use my site to re-post things from the internet, but I saw a video today on my Facebook feed and it struck a chord with me.

I’ve been alone for a while, now. A few years have gone by without me dating anyone seriously. A very long term relationship failed, due to mutual neglect and growing apart – and also, my crazy, crazy flaws.

It’s been my mission statement that I don’t want another boyfriend until I’m fully right with myself again, but maybe that’s just jabber. Maybe that’s just something high-minded that I tell myself. What’s closer to the truth is this: I can’t feel anything right now – not in the way that people dating me want to, anyway.

And I need to be alone.

Thanks to the makers of this video for reminding me that wanting to be alone is totally fine.

7 thoughts on “Alone

  1. That was one of the most beautiful, thought-provoking, reaffirming, and saddening videos I’ve watched. Thanks for sharing it.

    I’ve been alone for all my life and have embraced seclusion, but sometimes I also struggle with doubts. Are they right? Have I just gotten so used to pretending I am happy with solitude that I’ve managed to convince even myself? Does it even matter? Is there a difference between learning to be happy eventually and being happy from the start?

  2. Thank you for posting this…it might help me get through the conversation intact the next time I have to hear “Isn’t it about time you got out there and met someone?” sigh… Best of luck with your continued healing…and don’t sweat the jerks…jerk.

  3. I’m one of those people that would rather be myself, because any crowd of more than two requires me to give up so much of my energy that it can sometimes be draining. I’ve been alone for so long that I am quite sure I wouldn’t know how to be with someone anymore. All the social mores, expectations, demands, and requirements of being with someone would be baffling to me today. and tiresome.

    I’m not anti-social, or someone that you would find hiding in a dark basement, muttering and reading under a dimming lamp. I go out and do things with and for myself. Sometimes when I feel like it – I even do it with my friends. I do make a very good friend, but a boyfriend? I’ve never beaten myself up for not being with that special someone. I’ve reconciled myself to the fact that there will not be a somebody for everybody. And that’s okay.

    Being alone does not mean being lonely. I’ve recognized that it is a choice that works for me. I’m steadfast on this one person interaction, and remain open that someone else will walk by and find me interesting for all my seeming faults. The door isn’t shut, just slightly ajar. It is after all about loving yourself first. Without that self-acceptance – it is difficult for someone else to come in through that door and love you.

  4. Thank you so much. Thank you for putting words to the feelings and emotions I’ve been trying to figure out, and thank you for showing me that it’s okay to feel them.

  5. i absolutely loved this video. had to subscribe immediately and share it. my god she made me cry. she’s such a beautiful human being.

  6. Ye. Reppin’ Halifax poetry. I come back to this poem often. Tanya wrote a piece recently over the murder of Raymond Taavel that was devastatingly poignant.

    And if you ever get tired of being alone and wanting a change of scenery, I’m sure the ocean air and flagrant lack of greenery would do you good.

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