Chocolate Banana Cream ETC.

I think it’s getting there.  I made another banana cream pie the other day.  It was delicious.  I’m getting better at this one.

I made it for my friend Chris – who is not really a good friend, considering that he never came over to get it.  He offered to help me with the HTML code for PIEFOLK.  I made the pie for him, as a thank you.  He stood me up.  And as of yet, he hasn’t explained why.  Weird guy.

I’m tired of friends acting weird.

Maybe it’s February talking.  Then very dead of winter.  People start acting…  strange.  Affection starved, but in a sluggish, lethargic way.

It’s not so much that the late winter brings out ugly behavior, but that layer of New York-y inconsiderateness might be a little denser this time of year.

Keep in mind – I’m just complaining – and  I don’t really even have too too much to complain about.  There are people around me that really care for me, and I’m grateful.  I also have the respect of some very talented, very brilliant colleagues in the comedy world.  I’m lucky.  But I’m tired of people acting weird, in that February sort of way.

Yes.  I get the irony.

I’m a grown-ass man who hangs out with  neighborhood gays, baking, scantily clad, at all hours of the night.  So where do I get off calling anything weird?  I get off right here.  It’s my damn blog, after all.

Here’s a list of weird stuff that bugs me:

*Social awkwardness (of the non-charming variety)

*Not returning (or at least acknowledging) compliments


*Trying to impress me by being mean to a retail employee

*Trying to use backhanded compliments confuse me when you flirt ( that only works on people with low self esteem, dummy).

*Those gauge ear-rings that stretch your ears out, Africa style.


*Information hoarding

*Deep eye-contact that feels nice until you break it and say ‘WHAT?’ in a tone of voice that sounds like an indictment.

*People that get a macho kick out of being a ‘top only.’

*Olde Timey handlebar mustaches.

*People that put up walls with their sense of humor (except for me and my hilarous friends)

*A&E’s Intervention

Anyway.  Knock it off, Winter.  Stop making everyone (myself included)  act so weird.  I mean, except for the weirdness we exhibit normally, on a summer’s day, after a nice picnic in the park, where me and my weird date wear gay looking speedos, and sing songs with our ukuleles.  After eating blueberry pie, and catcalling a nearby soccer practice.  I want that kind of weird back.

I want to feel warm, and languid and odd.  Like a Rufus Wainwright song recorded in a sauna.

I guess that feeling’s not so far off.

I’ll power through.

Please do the same.



Enjoy the pie, Jerks.

Kazu’s Birthday

Kazu turned 25!

He blackmailed me on Facebook.  He shamed me into making a pie for him.  Plus, he re-posted my Barack Obama video a few times, so I kind of owe him.  Plus, he’s kind of like my adopted Japanese little brother.  I look out for him.

No I don’t.

But I would.  I feed him sometimes.  He likes my food.

We got a little playful this time around. Kazu has a delightfully free spirit, and it’s contagious. We got a little carried away.

I’ve never done a chocolate banana cream pie before.  That makes me a dummy,  because as you can imagine, it’s amazing.

Just trust me.  I know this picture looks like a dump you might take after a barbecue where you had too much Keystone, pulled pork, and Mexican corn on the cob.  But just trust me.  This pie is, well…  the shit.

I sliced the bananas really thin.  I wanted the layers of hand made chocolate custard and bananas to get sort of confused with each other.  Like the stagehands must feel – every night – at  Spider Man Turn Off the Dark. Don’t click that link.

I told you not to.  It’s a horrible website. 65.  Million.  Dollars.  Folks.


Well like I said, things got carried away.

Yes.  I know what this looks like:   An Easter chocolate version of Bunnicula bit me on the face.

Yes.  I know what it also looks like:  I was changing a particularly messy diaper and didn’t notice the shit on my face yet.

It was around this time of the evening I decided that this blog entry was going to be full of shit jokes.  What?  Oh, you’re sweet.  You’re welcome for all the shit jokes.  It’s no less than you deserve.

Sidebar: They’ve just gotten L.A.’D

L.A.’D.  L.A.’D…  L – A -I – D  They’ve just gotten laid!



HA.  Ah, heh…  ha.   ha.


Back to the pie!

I’m not going to tell you the recipe for this one.  I haven’t perfected it yet.  Plus, part of the fun of learning how to cook is doing your own research.

But here’s HOW I made it.

I baked the crust, duh.  then i let the crust cool.  Then i made some custard.  Just regular vanilla custard.  Except that, during the milk simmering phase of the custard I melted chocolate into the milk during the two minutes you’re supposed to simmer it.  Don’t ask me how much.  I don’t know.

For me, the crust is always very precisely measured, but the fillings I FREQUENTLY eyeball.  I’m a renegade like that.

At heart, I’m probably more of a cook than a baker.

Kazu and i  took some of our clothes off while we were baking and had fun with the camera. It was all very innocent.  Except when it wasn’t.

Yes.  Then we made out afterward.  Do i have to draw you a picture?

Enjoy the voyeurism, jerks.