This is Bryan. He is a sweet boy. He is studying advertising here in New York City.
He wanted to help me make a pie.
What was I gonna do, say no?
Me: We’re making Banana Cream.
Him: Good thing that’s my favorite.
Me: Yes it is a good thing.
Him: I suppose it is.
Me: I suppose I agree.
Him: I suppose I do too.
There was a lot of supposing going on.
Me: So you’re a student?
Him: That’s right. I study advertizing at SVA.
Me: Sounds fun.
Him: It’s a lot of work. I work almost every day of my life. I have like, three jobs.
Me: Really? Me too!
Me: Yup. I bake specialty pies for benefits and celebrities. I do comedy. I also do commercial acting.
Him: What’s that?
Me: Acting for commercials.
Him: Have you done anything I might have seen?
Me: No. Regional spots outside New York, and online stuff for boring companies that do things like make pressed aluminum. Exciting.
Him: I suppose.
Me: I suppose not. But I get by.
(Uh… This didn’t really happen. We didn’t really have a Lady and the Tramp moment with a banana. You’re imagining things)
Him: I cook and clean up after a guy who pays me to do that for him.
Him: What’s that?
Me: That’s the sound of me getting a boner thinking about you cleaning someone’s house and cooking for them, naked.
Him: I didn’t say naked.
Me: I have a very active imagination. Let me have my fantasy.
Him: I suppose I will.
Me: What’s your family like?
Him: My dad was a jerk. My mom worked her ass off every day to support him. He was a drunk to end all drunks.
Me: Was? Did he die?
Him: No. But he’s gone now.
Him: Yeah. It really motivated me to get up and do something with my life. Even if I have to work really hard to achieve it, like I am now.
Me: That sounds about right. I’m proud of you.
Him: You don’t even know me!
Me: Even so. I’m proud.
Me: Hold up. Where did that bootie come from?
Him: Ha. Do I have a butt?
Me: No, you have two of them.
Me: Usually you don’t see a butt like that on a guy your size.
Him: I did a lot of bike riding back in Jersey. 6 miles a day or so.
Me: Well. Remind me to thank the good people at Schwinn.
Him: Stop it, weirdo.
Him: I really like this neighborhood.
Me: Me too.
Him: I’m moving here in 10 days.
Him: I’ll be living a few blocks from here.
Me: Uh oh. That sounds like it could be trouble.
Him: It might be.
Me: Uh oh.
Him: Don’t get your hopes up. Jerk.