Him: I love this place.
Me: I know. It’s gonna be hard, not having coffee here when you go back to Chicago, right?
Him: I can’t believe I stayed here the whole five days. I was supposed to play it cool, stay with friends a night or two…
Me: Oh. No.
Me: Oh man. Look at that couple that just walked in.
Him: Do you know them?
Me: Uh. No. But I can’t stand them.
Him: I’m sorry?
Me: This happens to me only rarely. Sometimes I decide that I don’t like someone based solely on observing them for an extended period of time.
Him: OH! Yeah, I think I know what you’re talking about. What did these two do?
Me: You know, I can’t say, exactly. It’s just…. them. I’ve seen them all over the neighborhood lately. I’d never seen them before and then they started popping up everywhere, turning their noses up at things…
Him: You’re talking about the Gay couple that just walked in?
Me: Uh. Yes… Do you see anyone else snootily turning their noses up at everything?
Him: Hm. Good point.
Me: Watch them. They’ll be perfectly friendly, but they’ll have a snotty, snide air the whole time. They’re even worse on the train, when they’re not on good behavior.
Him: This is good behavior?
Me: Apparently. Look at the tall one. He’s the worst. The smaller one, the red head, would be okay on his own, but together they’re this big, palpable, Gay nuisance.
Him: I agree. The red head is simply beady-eyed, and untrustworthy. But the taller one, he just oozes sarcasm and punishing Gay hipster irony.
Me: Yes. Somebody was mean to him in high school, and now he’s making up for it by cunting all over younger, more impressionable art Fags. Uh oh…
Me: It’s occurring to me that we’re as bad as them. We’re being as judgmental as we imagine them to be.
Him: Don’t say that! We can’t be as awful as them. We at least control our facial expressions.
Me: True enough, the taller, more stork-like one walks around all day with a scrunched up scowl.
Him: As if he’s constantly smelling bad cheese.
Me: HA. Exactly.
Him: Safe to say, we don’t know them but we hate them.
Me: Ha. Okay. Oh.
Me: Speaking of love and hate.
Me: Last night… when i was boning you…
Him: Oh no. I thought you missed that! I thought you didn’t notice.
Me: Uh. People notice stuff like that.
Him: DON’T. It was a syntax error, if anything.
Me: I think you mean scansion. It didn’t scan the way you intended.
Him: So embarrassing. Why would you bring this up now?
Me: Hey, it’s not every day that someone you’ve known for a week says ‘I love you,’ while you’re having sex.
Him: I said: “I love you inside me.”
Me: You said ‘I love you,’ and then a long pause, and then you said,’ inside me.’
Me: It’s okay. I thought it was cute. I was like ‘aw… he’s having I love you fantasies.’
Him: No, that’s not it. It was feeling really good, and I meant to say I love you inside me, but in the middle of the sentence i got caught up in what was going on. It was just a mistake.
Me: Hey. I am just breaking your balls. I know it wasn’t a love confession. If anything I thought it was cute.
Him: Okay. That’s good to know.
Him: Oh, look at them now. Looks like the storky one doesn’t like his pastry.
Me: Oh NO!! His Sunday afternoon is ruined!!
Him: Whatever will he DO??
Me: He’ll have to be content with his own sense of self satisfaction. It will have to suffice.
Him: Somehow, I think it will.
Me: Hey, can I say something?
Me: I really love you.
Me: When you make fun of people with me.
Him: You’re such a jerk.
Me: You’re right. I am.
3 thoughts on “FriDATE: I Love You”
Now I’m hungry…for something.
Sounds like this guy can keep up with you. Your other transcripts never read that way.
Seriously. This one sounds like a keeper.