Sometimes people ask me on dates. They see me on the internet and they think that I’m the answer to their life problems, or loneliness. Or maybe they think I am cute. Invariably, I prove them wrong.
Him: Wanna get some food?
Me: Sure. There’s lots of restaurants around here. What are you in the mood for?
Him: I don’t care. You pick.
Me: Hm… there’s high end Mexican up the street at Mesa Coyoacan .
Him: You should know better than to ask someone for Mexican food on a gay date.
Me: Why? Oh. EW.
Him: But yeah, I don’t care…
Me: There’s a seafood restaurant called Sel De Mer….
Him: Ew. NO. I never trust them to have fresh ingredients. Gross.
Me: That’s kind of their thing. The menu is mostly specials that they bought at the fish market that day.
Him: I’m not sure if I trust that. Try again.
Me: There’s a French place called Fanny. It’s cash only.
Him: I never carry cash. (gives me a knowing glance, as if I’m supposed to know what that means)
Me: Well, I would buy dinner, but I am poor.
Him: All that pie.
Me: Huh?
Him: You’re spending too much money on pie. Not enough on your living expenses.
Me: Hold up… Financial advice?? That’s SECOND date material, Mister.
Him: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I don’t get it.
Me: There’s an Asian fusion place up the street called Sakura.
Him: Yeah. I’ve read your blog. We get it. You like ‘Asian food‘. (long pause where I don’t laugh)
Me: I’m not that hungry, actually.
Him: Wanna make out?
Me: No.
Enjoy the TuesDATE, Jerks!
photo by Erwin Caluya
PIEFOLK 