Him: We should have shots! Have you ever had a Bitchy Drag Queen?
Me: No. I mean, yes, but no.
Him: What? You’re weird.
Me: I know. So tell me more about you. What’s your dating life been like, so far?
Him: Oh. I like older guys. Older. Like, you’re probably too young for me. Like older guys.
Me: I get it.
Him: Old. Like much older.
Me: Okay.
Him: Like the last guy I had really good sex with was 50.
Me: Okay. Yes. I get it.
Him: But he was ripped, you know? And hot. Older guys are hotter.
Me: If you say so. I’ll buy it, I guess.
Him: There’s something else about older guys too…
Me: What’s that?
Him: They don’t seem to care.
Me: About what?
Him: I can’t put my finger on it. It’s like they’ve been there already, and they’re not worried about impressing you, and they’re not hypersensitive about your opinion.
Me: Yeah. Young people can be like that.
Him: I hate it. I have had sex with younger guys and it’s always a shit show.
Me: Why?
Him: Take your pick. They’re not good at sex. They get their feelings hurt at the drop of a hat. They don’t care about your feelings at all though.
Me: Ha. I knew a poet like that once.
Him: Really?
Me: Yeah, he would go on and on about how shy and fragile and sensitive he was, but he was only sensitive to his own feelings, not yours. He didn’t care at all if he’d hurt or disappointed you. Actors can be like that too, to an extent.
Him: Comics too, I bet.
Me: Comics are different.
Him: Why?
Me: Because they’re real people. If anything, their flaw is that they care too much, and cover up by being clownish, or sarcastic.
Him: I don’t think that’s true.
Me: I’m probably wrong. I frequently am.
Him: Stop it. You’re so crazy. I like older guys. Nothing can phase them. They’re like rocks.
Me: Well yeah. They were your age, and they were pretty, sensitive, talented, relevant.
Him: They still are.
Me: Maybe, but then 15 – 35 years of awful, coarse, wonderful, terrifying, giddy, disappointing, enlightening things happened to them. And now they’re different. And also tired. I’m tired a lot more often than I used to get.
But I also work more than I ever did, so I guess I earned my tiredness.
Him: See?
Me: See what?
Him: See, that’s something that a young person would never say. ‘I earned my tiredness.’ That’s what I like about older guys. They’re real. Not like young guys, who are petty, and awkward, and selfish. They’ll spend the night dancing with you, and then buy you a drink at the end of the night, and if you get drunk enough they’ll make out with you. But they don’t really want to get to know you. They don’t care about you. They’re only ‘having an experience’ for the night. And they’ll pretend to care. But nobody does. Nobody cares at 2am when you’ve had too many Midori sours and you just need a friend. But an older guy will…
Me: Midori sours? Why would anyone…
Him: I’ve tried to reach out to them. They suck, okay?! I’ve tried to open my heart to younger people but they don’t know how to take that gift and make something of it. They just eat it and shit it out and wonder if there’s more. Or worse, they hope there isn’t more. I’m so tired of having a significantly affectionate date with a younger guy, only to have sex with him and then have him desperately try to distance himself from me the next day. Where are those shots? We need shots!
Me: We don’t need shots. I’d say we’ve had plenty.
Him: Then take me home.
Me: How about I get you a cab? I like you but you’re a little wasted.
Him: When will I stop being young? I hate it.
Me: Believe me, it’s a curable affliction.
Him: Take me h-ohmygod you just flagged a cab down! What a jerk.
Me: You’re wasted and I have to work in the morning.
Him: Jerk.
Me: I know.
Him: You’re a jerk.
Me: I know.
Him: You’re also old.
(pause – two short blasts from a car horn)
Me: I know. Now go home.
Him: See? Nobody cares at 2am.
Me: Nobody does.
PIEFOLK 
i find this hilarious, at the same time sad. i wonder why. i guess it is the human condition to be saying one thing and meaning another and not knowing what we want. older guys are nicer to be with…i havent really pinned it down as to why but i think that guy has pinned a few of the reasons down. i find it funny that he thinks 50 is old. how old is he? u did not say.
Me: Maybe, but then 15 – 35 years of awful, coarse, wonderful, terrifying, giddy, disappointing, enlightening things happened to them. And now they’re different. And also tired. I’m tired a lot more often than I used to get. But I also work more than I ever did, so I guess I earned my tiredness.
This is a good story, Michael.
And yes, speaking as an older guy, I can tell you that older guys are better to date (assuming that they’re reasonably well-adjusted people to begin with). Even when I was in my 20s, I had absolutely no interest in guys in their 20s. They’re boring (unless they’re really, really smart).
By the way, Michael – how did the mushroom quiche come out? It looks delish.
This sounds like a great encounter.
I related to a lot of it – I’m young(ish), in my early 20s, and have only ever dated men in their late 20s. They’ve had a vast amount more experience than I have re:dating, sex etc. I attach sex to emotional attachment. I was going to write “I still attach sex…”, but I didn’t, because for my own morality I think I will always attach sex to emotional attachment. Some part of me thinks that I’ll be like all the late-20s people I’ve dated when I’m 28, though, seeing sex as detached from committed emotion if I want it to be.
I think older men should realise what they’re getting into if they start sleeping with young guys. They may well assign emotional joy with sexual joy, and it’s not fair on them if you sleep with them with no intention of developing some kind of relationship that is not sexual. It will only end in them being hurt and you getting 50 calls a day from a depressive.
prometheus/Chris, if you are in your early 20s, you are not young-ISH. You are YOUNG.
In twenty years – hell, in ten – you’ll recognize this.
I also think you’ll find that there are plenty of men of all ages who want sex to be tied up with emotion. (Preferably happiness and affection.) It’s a matter of not looking for these men in the wrong places …
That’s very true – I wasn’t trying to say all (older) men are like this, indeed, that would be an insult to men who see sex as an act of commitment.
It’s just so hard to find them. I probably am looking in the wrong places.
This sounds like a great encounter.
I related to a lot of it – I’m young(ish), in my early 20s, and have only ever dated men in their late 20s. They’ve had a vast amount more experience than I have re:dating, sex etc. I attach sex to emotional attachment. I was going to write “I still attach sex…”, but I didn’t, because for my own morality I think I will always attach sex to emotional attachment. Some part of me thinks that I’ll be like all the late-20s people I’ve dated when I’m 28, though, seeing sex as detached from committed emotion if I want it to be.
I think older men should realise what they’re getting into if they start sleeping with young guys. They may well assign emotional joy with sexual joy, and it’s not fair on them if you sleep with them with no intention of developing some kind of relationship that is not sexual. It will only end in them being hurt and you getting 50 calls a day from a depressive.
Chris
Well said. 🙂
Reblogged this on PIEFOLK and commented:
Repost! 🙂
I relate to him when he says he can’t wait to be older. I feel like most guys I’m attracted to are older than me (from late twenties to late forties, and especially in their 30s) and I can’t wait to be their age to have a serious relationship with one of them. I’ve never felt anything for anyone younger that me and guys my age I find interesting usually end up being my friends because the attraction I feel for them quickly wears off, except when they look a little older than they are (if they have beards for example). I know some older guys would have a serious relationship with me, but I can’t get my head around it. I feel like we couldn’t work because I would never feel like we’re equal (which is the reason why I broke up with my ex). Therefore I’m impatiently waiting to get older – which is, I know, irrational and weird.
I hear you – equality in a relationship with a big age gap is hard. I’m a poor student, the men I usually date are late twenties, steady job, doing well for themselves. This causes immediate problems because I don’t like partners to pay for everything we do, because in some relationships this has resulted in them asking me to pay them back in non-monetary ways (need I say more?), which I didn’t enjoy.
A few of the men I’ve dated have also been very dominating in the relationship. Nothing psychotic, but usually we did things they wanted to do, rather than things I wanted to do. Which I was fine with, because I was happy spending time with them. But some of them developed into a weird parent-child relationship, which is something I don’t care to visit again.
So yes, I’m impatiently waiting to get older too.
Thanks for listening.
When I was in my 20s I was almost never attracted to guys in their 20s. They were boring – I found having interesting conversations with them very difficult. (I remember finding just a couple exceptions to that rule, but they were either unavailable or not attracted to me.)
Guys in their 30s are often great boyfriend material. Men in their 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s agree on this. You may find yourself agreeing for your entire adult life.
And it’s not irrational and weird to look forward to hitting your 30s. As long as you take good care of yourself, the 30s are maybe the best decade. Just ask Michael …
I don’t know if they are the best decade, but I feel like they should be ; in your thirties you’re still young enough for your body to allow you to do a lot of things without feeling exhausted, you’re usually in a better financial situation than when in your twenties so you can enjoy life a little bit more and people take you more seriously too… Also, more men your age are looking to settle down. So yeah, 30s rock. Or, they should, anyway.
The best decades are whatever decade we’re in. Duh.
Get back to us in ten years and let us know if you still think that.
I love you.
Which one of us?
All of us. 🙂
Every decade has gotten better. I’m 51 and so far love my 50s. I still think the best is yet to come. I think it has a lot to do with taking care of yourself. Staying physically attached to your body- keep your weight down, stay fit and active, don’t bake in the sun, keep meeting new people and forget agendas. You can’t turn into a hermit and cling to the familiar. And you have to place your ego somewhere that will still work for you as the years pass. Sure, I am not 25- and 25 had a lot of great things going for it- but at 51, I spend my hours doing what I love, I am getting to be a better illustrator, a better poet, am more discerning of human nature and I have more experience to give me cause for amusement. I care about others but I no longer am too concerned with what they think. I have dated a range of ages- 20s and lower 30s seem kind of young for dating material at this point- I appreciate the beauty but good sex is also about connection… more so with each year. Enjoy where ever you are at. There are great aspects to every age.
So nice to hear you guys say these things. So beautiful.