Him: Thanks for coming.
Me: Sure, why not? I’m staying in the neighborhood – apartment sitting.
Him: I have a huge apartment.
Me: Great. I’m staying in a pretty nice apartment myself. High rise, on the waterfront. Pretty swanky.
Him: My apartment is huge, and I have a huge kitchen. It’s pretty much the best apartment I’ve ever seen in Brooklyn.
Me: That’s great news. Good for you.
Him: Yeah, I pretty much have the whole space to myself, even though I have a few roommates. One of them is constantly out of town and the place is so huge that It’s almost like I live there alone.
Me: That’s really great. Congrats.
Him: Yeah. It’s pretty awesome.
Me: Sounds like it.
Him: Believe me. It is.
Me: I don’t disbelieve you.
Him: Okay. Well… Hey. You’re cuter in person. You’re way cuter in person.
Me: Am I?
Him: Yeah, it’s always a plus when the guy is cuter in person instead of busted.
Me: Oh. Thank you. Thanks so much. That’s… nice of you to say?
Him: Do you like football?
Me: I don’t really follow it. I was in the marching band in high school, but admittedly I never learned the rules.
Him: Basically each team has four tries to move the ball ten yards.
Me: That seems reasonable.
Him: It’s harder than it looks. So you’re a cook?
Me: I am. I have a blog.
Him: Oh, I know.
Him: Yes. You inspired me. I was cooking naked too, until my roommates bought me an apron. My apron says Will Cook for Sex – isn’t that funny?
Me: Er, sure…. how long have you been at this bar?
Him: Few hours.
Me: Ah ha…
Him: I’ve had a few, but I’m not wasted. Believe me.
Me: I believe you.
Him: What part?
Me: That you’ve had a few.
Him: Do you want a beer?
Me: No. I had a boozy weekend. I better just behave myself.
Him: I like to butcher my own meat.
Him: I like to butcher my own meat.
Him: Yeah. I go to Chinatown and I buy meats from the stores. It’s cheaper, for instance, if you buy a whole rabbit and then butcher it yourself.
Me: Oh man. That sounds macabre.
Him: It’s not. You just put on some inspiring music and then separate the fur from the flesh, and then the flesh from the bones. Then you render the fat. I’m a big fan of cooking things in animal fat.
Me: Me too. I made a quiche recently with duck fat.
Him: I hear that makes a great quiche.
Me: So you just put on some music, and butcher a rabbit?
Him: Yeah. It’s much cheaper if you butcher it yourself.
Me: I imagine…
Him: Just pull off the fur in strips. You can cut some of the fat off too, and render it.
Me: That sounds pretty intense. My family comes from farm people, on my mother’s side, but I never had to butcher anything. I can clean a fish, if I need to – if the knife is sharp enough.
Him: A sharp knife is important.
Me: Yeah. Agreed.
Him: So. The Giants pretty much won. This game is over.
Me: Oh. Congrats!
Him: I’d kiss you right here, but I’m more of a gentleman than that.
Me: This being a rowdy straight bar, I’m inclined to thank you.
Him: Do you want to hail a cab and go to my house?
Me: No. I think we’re asymmetrically drunk from one another.
Him: You mean, you’re sober and I’ve had lots.
Me: I might mean that, yes. But we can walk. Let’s walk.
(we leave the bar)
Him: Did I tell you how amazing my apartment is? Oh! There’s a cab. Let’s take a cab ride to my apartment.
Me: No, I don’t want to do that. Remember, we said we were going to walk and talk just a bit.
Him: Let’s take a cab ride.
Me: I’m under the weather a little. Plus you’re wasted and I’m not. Better to just call it a night I think.
Him: TAXI!! Take this cab with me.
Me: No. You’re a great listener, huh?
Him: My friends say so.
Me: Your friends are right… Have a good evening…
Him: YOU have a good evening.
(he kisses me on the cheek and walks away. i’m left with an image of him, naked in his apron, skinning a rabbit)