I came across your blog and I need advice. I am 28. That really doesnt matter, nevermind. Anyways, I met a guy through mutual friends 10 days ago. We hit it off BIG TIME. I will admit, at first I was not super into it, or wasn’t attracted at first but he came onto me and I just kept finding him more and more attractive until all the sudden BAM! he was the hottest mofo ever. We had INCREDIBLE SEX. Five times the first night. He was very sweet, texting me afterwards, non stop communicating etc. He is new to being gay/out. I am kinda too but he is newer. He asked me to hang two days later and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to or not and was still talking to other guys and I passed. We agreed to hang the next night..and when he got here to the city, he invited me to come hang at his friends place. These friends are two older guys (in a relationship) that he has had sex with. So, naturally I got a little turned off and made other plans. We drunkenly made plans to meet up later that night, which was a bad idea because we were both getting intoxicated and that stuff falls through and I realize this. Needless to say, he didnt pull through and I got a little pissed off and sent some text. He called me five times that night, apologized the next day (thanksgiving). I got over it, he came over and we had more amazing passionate sex. Its not a connection I normally experience. IT feels like love to me, as crazy as that sounds but Im not naive. I know its not realistic to believe that. We just have very passionate, loving hot encounters. I feel very close to him, naturally. I seriously just wanna own this kids body and hole. Love kissing him. He had only bottomed three other times before me so you can imagine my pleasure. I also went ahead and sat on his cock too. IT was amazing. Then, the next day neither of us texted eachother. I texted him saturday and he texted back four hours later. That was cool, we chatted. I told him I was out with a bud. This bud is actually a guy I have been seeing since July but we have never had sex. He is a virgin. This same bud asks me to be his boyfriend that evening and I say no. ITs crazy cuz two months ago that is all I wanted and now I do not. I feel like Ive lost interest. That is a separate story.
Anyways, we communicate Sunday and I guess as this point I was feeling a distance from the new guy that Im crazy about. I end up completely overreacting to his text. I guess I felt like he wasn’t being as sweet or as present as he was originally and I said something like “Whats up with you dude? Did you enjoy yourself the other night”? (knowing that he did). He said he was tired and laying down after work. I said “I dont have time for this bullshit.” Or something to that effect. I was just being a total spaz for no reason..for the second time and we had only known eachother less than a wk. So then I send a long “Im sorry Im being crazy” text, telling him I like him alot and I havent felt that way for anyone in a while and that I want to take him out. He told me he liked me the second time we hung out. I told him I did too, so this was not news. I then follow that text up by saying that Jordan asked me to be his boyfriend and that i was just very confused and acting irrationally. He then responds by saying it all threw him off but that he isn’t looking to jump into a relationship but has a good time with me etc. I then counteract by saying that I think we should just be friends and that I love Jordan and blah blah blah .A bunch of absolute bullshit!!! This was basically an outright lie to make myself unavailable and to make him want me. I will admit I could sense some disappointment which is what I wanted. I am a twisted fuck. Then, I go on to tell him how hot Jordan is (which he is pretty sexy) as he asked what he looks like and I tell him that he and I can only be bro’s, as to make myself unavailable and to make him want me. I am a DOUCHE. This kinda thing works though, sadly. Anyways, so I then tell him I really like him though and I Want him to know that and he says he likes me too and that he just is living life right now not looking for a relationship. I never once told him I wanted to be with him so idk why he keep saying it. Then I say it doesnt matter anyways as Jordan is in my life..and he says “exactly” and then I Say “but it does matter to me” and he says “I care but…” and then I say “what?”.. and he says nevermind man and then never tells me what he is gonna say! I then texted him trying to get him out of it quite a few times (I had been drinking). I then just restate what I had said, saying that depsite Jordan, I do like him a lot and that I care and that it matters and that I am just very confused. (obviously!) I then send him a sexy pic and refer to myself as the “whip nip” lol with a wink face. I then apologize again for being such a crazy ass and tell him that he just has that effect on me. He texted me the next morning and said he had been sleeping as he had to work at 5am, which he does work super early. At this point, I had worried so much about it that I didnt respond for twelve hours and all I said was “I worked all day, Im exhausted. I was drunk”. We have not communicated at all since. He never responded to my response. I am wondering what he is thinking. I keep telling myself to just give it time and space as we met a week ago and it got hot and heavy fast. I dont want to tell him Im not really with Jordan or that I am not going to be with Jordan because it will just be obvious and I will be putting it all out there. I do think this guy likes me and I think it may be salvageable despite my erratic behavior. What do I do? I already know that I will cut this crap out, for sure. ITs not even me. I was just blindsided. I am so fucking into him. Even weirder because initially I did not think I would be. What do I do or say? help. Ps- I am a pretty attractive guy with a nice body, if that makes any sort of difference and he really seems to like it..as well as my dick. Should I wait? How do I appear non crazy and express my interest while at the same time not making myself totally available? Help! 😦
Thanks for reading and thanks for asking my advice. Here it is:
Paragraph breaks, in your emails. I think it will change your life.
Oh, I thought of more advice. Give up on this relationship. Seriously. Scrap it. Next time you have one, don’t dick the other guy around by playing stupid mind games.
You coming clean will just reveal you as the crazy mess you are. It won’t solve anything, or make you look adorable. Just scrap this relationship and stop being a selfish idiot.
Someone’s feelings are at stake. Yes, I know you think I mean YOURS, but I actually mean the other person’s. If you can learn that, you can get over yourself and actually fall in love. If not, keep getting drunk and fucking everyone forever. That’s not the worst life either.
Oh yeah, and stop using ‘I was drunk’ as an excuse for any sort of behavior. Nobody cares you were drunk, only that you acted like an asshole.
I’m sure you’re a nice guy at heart. I’m sure your intentions are in the right place. However, it’s time the world learned that intentions are all well and good, but actions make the world go round. I’m sure Andy Dick had good intentions when he started doing comedy, and look what happened.
Being in love means putting the other person first (at least sometimes).
P.S. I’m serious about those paragraph breaks. It will organize your thoughts and change your life. Or at least make mine easier, next time.