ThursDATE

kristen yoonsoo kim

Him:  Hey.

Me:  Hey.  Are you K.?

Him:  Yeah that’s right.  Why?  Disappointed?

Me:  Uh, no.  Not at all.  You’re very attractive.

(pause)

Me:  Why?  Are people usually disappointed?

Him:  Ha. No.  Why would they be??

Me:  Uh..  I don’t….  Did I sound disappointed?

Him:  No, I was just feeling insecure, duh…

Me:  Oh okay.  Yeah…  Duh.

Him:  I hope you don’t think I’m going to bottom for you, just because we met up for coffee.

Me:  Wait, what?

Him:  Coffee is coffee.  I want to make that clear.

Me:  Okay.  I know what coffee is.

Him:  I’m not even a bottom.  I don’t really bottom that much.

Me:  Hey.  That’s fine.  We’re just grabbing a cup of coffee, like you said.

Him:  Fine.

(pause)

Me:  Do people frequently think you’re a bottom?

Him:  Yeah, and it’s irritating.

Me:  Why so?

Him:  I want to be more than just that. 

Me:  Well, most people on Adam4Adam are looking to have sex.

Him:  I know.  I don’t mind hooking up, if the vibe is right.

Me:  I thought you were looking for more than that.

Him:  Well…  ultimately…  but I have to live a life, don’t I?

Me:  Okay.

Him:  Anyway, I don’t want to come off like some bottom slut.

Me: Cool it, mister.  You’re doing fine.  Just relax.

(pause)

Me:  Also, you shouldn’t list yourself as a bottom on online dating sites, if you don’t want people to think that of you.

Him:  But that’s what I like!  I like to bottom.  I much prefer it.

Me:  So, then you’re a bottom.

Him:  Stop it!  I don’t want people thinking that!!

Me:  Jesus.  Okay.  My bad.

(pause)

Him:  Are you disappointed?

Me:  No.

Him:  I feel like you’re disappointed. 

Me:  I’m not.  It’s just a lot.

Him:  Don’t SAY that!!  What’s a lot?

Me:  All this.  I meet up with you for a cup of coffee, and we’re here not more than four minutes, and you’re talking about how you’re a bottom/not a bottom/not to expect you to bottom and wondering if I’m disappointed.

Him:  I knew it.  You’re disappointed.

Me:  I’m not.  I’m just a little overwhelmed.  Can’t we just hang out and chat for a second like normal people?

Him:  Okay.  Fine.

(long pause)

Me:  So when’s the last time you bottomed?

Him:  WHAT?

Me:  Sorry.  That’s my sense of humor.  I thought it would be funny to ask that question, after this totally awkward exchange.  I thought it was funny.  Sorry.

Him:  You shouldn’t be so forward.

Me:  To be fair, you brought up bottoming like, two seconds into this conversation, so…

Him:  Stop!  It’s difficult.  Everyone thinks I’m a bottom.

Me:  I know.  Now I can’t wait until you go to the bathroom.

Him:  Why?  Txt your friends how disappointed you are?

Me:  I’m. Not. Disappointed.

Him:  Why do you want me to go to the bathroom, then?

Me:  I want to see this bottom that everyone’s going nuts over.

Him:  Oh stop it.  You’re way too forward.

Me:  You’re totally right.  I am.  I am way too forward.

Him:  What are you doing after this?

Me:  Some light work at home.   Maybe cooking dinner.  Why?

Him:  I kind of feel like bottoming.

(long pause.  we both start laughing)

2 thoughts on “ThursDATE

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