Him: Nice coat.
Me: Thanks. It’s my heavy winter coat.
Him: Is it warm?
Me: Yeah, it’s my heaviest one.
Him: Looks like it would be warm.
Me: It is. It’s a warm coat.
Him: Looks like it.
Me: Yeah. It’s warm. (pause) How long have you been here? Long time?
Him: Nope, only a little bit. Five minutes.
Me: That’s not too long.
Him: Not at all. So…
Me: So…
Him: So tell me what you do.
Me: Well you know about the website.
Him: Obviously. I used to have a website. I used to run a very well attended blog.
Me: Oh?
Him: Yeah, I kept a sex blog when I was 15, and it became a bit of a thing.
Me: What? I can imagine!
Him: Especially because I was sleeping with older people, so it was illegal too. I got a lot of heat for it.
Me: I can imagine. Wow. That’s crazy. What happened?
Him: I took it down.
Me: Why’s that?
Him: I kind of outgrew it.
Me: I can see that.
Him: Plus, I was applying to schools and I Googled myself and my sex blog came up immediately. I had like 5000 hits a day.
Me: Wow. Not too shabby for a 15 year old. Good job.
Him: So what else? What do you do?
Me: I teach.
Him: Oh me too! I used to teach literacy to remedial students.
Me: Wow. That’s noble.
Him: It was a student job. I outgrew it.
Me: Oh, okay. I teach improv to adults.
Him: Do you do improv?
Me: I do, yes.
Him: I’ve done that. I was in an improv class once.
Me: Did you study here in the city?
Him: No, there was a class offered at my university.
Me: Oh, okay, cool. Did you like it?
Him: Not really. I thought it was dumb. Sorry…
Me: It’s not for everyone.
Him: I was good at it.
Me: I’m sure. You seem like you would be.
Him: What type of improv do you teach?
Me: Musical improv. How to improvise musicals.
Him: Oh my God, I used to do musicals.
Me: Surprise!
Him: In college I did a slew of them. Well, three. But then I outgrew musicals too, I guess.
Me: How so?
Him: They started seeming frivolous or dumb, somehow. Then I stopped doing them. My teachers were super upset about it.
Me: Think of the talent you denied the world!
Him: By the way I like your shirt. Where did you get it?
Me: In Hamburg. I went with my brother once.
Him: Oh my God, I went to Hamburg with my cousin!
Me: No kidding?
Him: How long were you there?
Me: 15 days. I liked it a lot.
Him: We stayed for three weeks. It was pretty boring.
Me: It’s not for everyone.
Him: (burps) Whoops! Sorry. I had bodega Chinese food before I came here.
Me: Oh my God, I’ve done that!
Him: What? Burped on a first date?
Me: No, eaten Chinese food. It was a long time ago, when I was in the Peace Corps in Romania.
(long pause. we lock eyes)
Me: I’ve been to 33 states.
Him: 37.
Me: I can do a cartwheel.
Him: Handspring.
Me: Double jointed.
Him: Trained contortionist.
Me: I have six fingers on my left hand.
Him: I was born with a vestigial twin face growing from my abdomen.
(pause)
Him: Do you want to go make out?
Me: Obviously. Let me get coat on.
Him: That’s a very warm looking coat.
Me: It’s very warm.
Him: Looks like it.
Me: It is. It’s a warm coat. It’s very warm. My coat is warm.
PIEFOLK 