FriDATE: I’ve Done That

photos by ryosuke kumakura

Him:  Nice coat.

Me:  Thanks.  It’s my heavy winter coat.

Him:  Is it warm?

Me:  Yeah, it’s my heaviest one.

Him:  Looks like it would be warm.

Me:  It is.  It’s a warm coat.

Him:  Looks like it.

Me:  Yeah.  It’s warm. (pause) How long have you been here?  Long time?

Him:  Nope, only a little bit.  Five minutes.

Me:  That’s not too long.

Him:  Not at all.  So…

drawings by naruki kukita

Me:  So…

Him:  So tell me what you do.

Me:  Well you know about the website.

Him:  Obviously.  I used to have a website.  I used to run a very well attended blog.

Me:  Oh?

Him:  Yeah, I kept a sex blog when I was 15, and it became a bit of a thing.  

Me:  What?  I can imagine!

Him:  Especially because I was sleeping with older people, so it was illegal too.  I got a lot of heat for it.

Me:  I can imagine.  Wow.  That’s crazy.  What happened?

Him:  I took it down.

Me:  Why’s that?

Him:  I kind of outgrew it.

Me:  I can see that.

Him:  Plus, I was applying to schools and I Googled myself and my sex blog came up immediately.  I had like 5000 hits a day.

Me:  Wow.  Not too shabby for a 15 year old.  Good job.

Him:  So what else?  What do you do?

Me:  I teach.

Him:  Oh me too!  I used to teach literacy to remedial students.

Me:  Wow.  That’s noble.

Him:  It was a student job.  I outgrew it.

Me:  Oh, okay.  I teach improv to adults.

Him:  Do you do improv?

Me:  I do, yes.

Him:  I’ve done that.  I was in an improv class once.

Me:  Did you study here in the city?

Him:  No, there was a class offered at my university.

Me: Oh, okay, cool.  Did you like it?

Him:  Not really.  I thought it was dumb.  Sorry…

Me:  It’s not for everyone.

Him:  I was good at it.

Me:  I’m sure.  You seem like you would be.

Him:  What type of improv do you teach?

Me:  Musical improv.  How to improvise musicals.

Him:  Oh my God, I used to do musicals.

Me:  Surprise!

Him:  In college I did a slew of them.  Well, three. But then I outgrew musicals too, I guess. 

Me:  How so?

Him:  They started seeming frivolous or dumb, somehow.  Then I stopped doing them.  My teachers were super upset about it.

Me:  Think of the talent you denied the world!

Him:  By the way I like your shirt.  Where did you get it?

Me:  In Hamburg.  I went with my brother once.

Him:  Oh my God, I went to Hamburg with my cousin!

Me:  No kidding?

Him:  How long were you there? 

Me:  15 days.  I liked it a lot.

Him:  We stayed for three weeks.  It was pretty boring.

Me:  It’s not for everyone.

Him:  (burps)  Whoops!  Sorry.  I had bodega Chinese food before I came here.

Me:  Oh my God, I’ve done that!

Him:  What?  Burped on a first date?

Me:  No, eaten Chinese food.  It was a long time ago, when I was in the Peace Corps in Romania.

(long pause.  we lock eyes)

Me:  I’ve been to 33 states.

Him:  37.

Me:  I can do a cartwheel.

Him:  Handspring.

Me:  Double jointed.

Him:  Trained contortionist.

Me:  I have six fingers on my left hand.

Him:  I was born with a vestigial twin face growing from my abdomen.


Him:  Do you want to go make out?

Me:  Obviously.  Let me get coat on.

Him:  That’s a very warm looking coat.

Me:  It’s very warm.

Him:  Looks like it.

Me:  It is.  It’s a warm coat.  It’s very warm.  My coat is warm.