Me: Talk about overcoming shame about your body?
Him: Eventually you realize [porn] is not having sex with someone you want to have sex with. It’s a job. It took me a while to get past those anxieties. Now it’s like, maybe I’m concerned with how my body is positioned for the camera.
Me: (to the photographer) Adam, speak to this. A model must be both aware and unaware of their body at the same time. True or False?
The Photographer: Yeah, but it’s about their generosity too. Of spirit and the quality of person that they are. It’s not about looks. When you’re good at it it’s because something generous about yourself translates. There’s something shared that you experience in the person. Caught in a moment. That’s the engaging part of a photograph.
Him: I think you really have to let go, and that’s a difficult thing to do.
Me: You shoot high fashion right?
The Photographer: I shoot – I don’t call it high fashion, but I do shoot highly commercial work. The thing that I became really good at was always photographing somebody in a way that they were flattered by, and kind of built them up and made them feel better. Somebody said that I try to look at people the way they would look in the eyes of someone in love with [the subject]. I’ve been very lucky.
Me: There was a moment in the shoot where you made us switch aprons. What was that about?
Him: Just to reassert myself as the alpha male.
Me: That’s the thing about being gay that I love. There can be four gays in a room and we know that each of us will have our moment to be alpha. With straight guys that would end up as a fight. It wouldn’t – there’s always one guy in a group of straight guys who’s a dick but ‘that’s his thing.’ Straight guys have that issue because they can’t [have sex with] each other. I wish they could! Wouldn’t they be perfect?
Him: Some of them do.
Me: How did you come to pornography?
Him: I just graduated college and curious and had trouble finding a job. I submitted pictures one night thinking they would tell me no, and they said yes. I felt like I had to do it, because it had happened.
Me: Just to let everyone know, he’s getting a hug from his boyfriend right now.
Him: You know, like when you’re afraid of heights and you climb a mountain. I had to do it. I had to push myself to that point.
Me: Why did you like to do it? Because you like to push buttons. You like to fuck with your mom and dad.
Him: No! It’s not about that. I like to fuck with my self, and challenge myself.
Me: Would you agree Karl Marx?
His Boyfriend: Oh of course. He hates nostalgia, and sitting on his laurels intellectually. He’s always looking for something new. He’s so focused on challenging himself artistically and intellectually. That’s why I fell in love with him. He’s so good at working against it. Entropy is always the enemy.
Me: Entropy is always the enemy and it always wins eventually. So we have to fight it.
His Boyfriend: While we’re here we have to fight it, but he’s a great person to ride behind, because he’s constantly pushing against it.
Me: I fucking love that.
To be continued…
More Colby Keller here.