Me: Hi.
Him: Hi.
(pause)
Him: Is that all? Just hi?
Me: I’m sorry. My focus wandered.
Him: Surely you have more to say than just hi?
Me: Well, to be fair, the only thing you said was hi.
Him: Yes, but I didn’t start the conversation, you did.
Me: Hm. Yes. That’s a logical argument.
(pause)
Him: So?
Me: Oh. Right. Um. I was going to ask how your evening was going, but I got distracted.
Him: By what?
Me: You smiled over my shoulder, at your friend, and you looked really cute when you did that. It took me back for a second.
Him: Oh brother.
Me: I know, right? Compliments. What an asshole.
Him: You were going to ask how my evening was going?
Me: I was.
Him: That sounds like such a canned question. Contrived. Can’t you do better?
Me: Apparently on this particular evening it’s all I can muster. What should I have said?
Him: I don’t know – I’m not the one going up to a stranger in a bar and saying hi.
Me: You act like I cut a huge fart while meeting the Queen of England or something.
Him: Ha. I like that image. Do you watch Downton Abbey?
Me: Yes. Isn’t it required for urban gays?
Him: Yes. Finally, something I like about you.
Me: Do you get laid often?
Him: Finally, an interesting question. No. To be honest, I don’t go on a lot of dates.
Me: Shocker.
Him: Is it? Shocking?
Me: Given your behavior tonight? Totally.
Him: Aw. I’m not easy. I’m known as being pretty difficult amongst my friends.
Me: Well… Nothing worth while is easy.
Him: Profound. What do you do for a living?
Me: I do freelance writing and I teach improv at night.
Him: Oh, brother.
Me: Tell me about it.
Him: Improv, like with funny costumes and crazy wigs??
Me: No
Him: ‘Cause I saw an improv show in Boston and that’s what it was.
Me: They don’t let me teach the class on crazy wigs.
Him: Good thing.
(pause)
Him: Hey, I’m going home. Do you want to walk me to the corner and kiss me good night?
Me: Hm…
Him: Hm?
Me: Well, I want to, but given your behavior I really shouldn’t.
(pause)
Me: Okay fine.
Him: Fine?
Me: Yeah, I’ll walk you to the subway.
(pause)
Me: Jerk.
PIEFOLK 
that’s it?! you can’t just end there!
we made out for about five minutes on the street corner. later, online, he continued to harass me in a less charming way, and we never actually went on a proper date or hooked up – mostly cause of his attitude. the end.