The Ramble

ImageHim:  Hey.  ‘Sup.

Me:  Oh Jesus…

Him: What?

Me:  Nothing.  I just…  Hi.

Him:  Hi.

(a long pause)


Him:  So, what’s up?

Me:  I’m just on a walk.

Him:  Cold day for a walk.

Me:  Well, I like walking in the cold.

Him: Is that so?

Me:  That is so.

(a long pause)


Me:  No.  It isn’t so.

Him:  Ha.

Me:  It’s not what you think.

Him:  What do I think?

Me:  I think you think that I’m here to…  hang around in the park.

Him:  Hang around?

Me:  Stop.  You know.

(he glances at his crotch)

Him:  Maybe I do.


Me:  Don’t do that.  I’m here to write about this.

Him:  Are you serious?  What do you mean?

Me:  I’m covering The Ramble for a lifestyle piece I’m working on.

Him:  Really??

Me:  Yeah.  Really.

Him:  Awman.  I gotta leave.

Me:  No, wait.  I’d like to ask you some questions, if you don’t mind.

Him:  I don’t know. 

Me:  Come on.

(long pause.  i glance at his crotch.)


Him:  Okay.  But you can’t identify me.

Me:  You haven’t introduced yourself.

Him:  Good point.

Me:  What’s your name?  Just kidding.  What do you do for work?

Him:  I’m a prep cook at a restaurant.

Me:  What type of restaurant?

Him:  A hotel.

Me:  Faggy.

Him:  Shut up, I’m not…  Only a few of my friends even know I’m gay.

Me: Is that important to you?  That you pass for straight?

Him:  I guess so…  I guess.  I don’t like it when people think I look like a sissy.

Me:  Hm.


Him:  I’m not ashamed of being gay.  But I don’t want everyone to know about it.  I don’t want to have to shout about it.

Me:  Okay.  How often do you come here for sex?

Him:  What? 

(long pause)

Him:  I don’t know.  Once a week.  Sometimes twice?

Me:  So the majority of your sex life happens out here, in the wild?

Him: Well, in the summer time, sure.  In the winter…  sometimes I go home with somebody.

Me:  Okay. 

Him: Is that weird?  I think it’s thrilling.  Like hunting…

Me:  Do you think it’s weird?

Him:  No, but I can tell you do.

Me:  No.  I don’t.  I don’t think it’s weird at all.  But I do think there might be a connection between your self-consciousness about people knowing you’re gay, and you conducting your sex life anonymously.  I mean… Don’t you think?


Him:  No.  I don’t think about it that much.  It’s such a small part of who I am.

Me:  Really? 

Him:  Yeah.  Really.

Me:  Well… Sounds like you’re really good at compartmentalizing.

Him:  So?

(long pause)


Me: So…  more power to you, I guess.

Him:  Hey.  You’re a decent guy. 

Me:  Thanks.

Him:  Wanna go behind those trees and blow each other?

Me:  I do not.  Thanks for chatting though.  I have to leave.

Him:  Don’t identify me.

Me: I don’t know who you are.  You never said.

Him:  Fair enough.  Jerk.


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