ThursDATE: Flashback – Last Christmas

photos by eryc perez de tagle 

Him: Michael, this Christmas has been perfect.  Just perfect.

Me:  Thanks Yoshi.  I had a good time too…  Drew and his boyfriend are super nice, aren’t they?

Him:  Yes, and I can’t believe we got to sing songs around a piano.  Perfect Christmas! 

Me:  Yeah.  It was idyllic, right?

Him:  I loved singing the Rocket Man, and how everyone jumped in to help.

Me:  Haha.   You gave it a hell of an effort.  You’re a Rocket Man, Yoshi!

Him:  Yes.  I’m tired of being Art Director.  Where can I apply to be karaoke superstar?

Me:  I’m not sure it works like that…  Unless you apply to be on American Idol.  I think you have to develop a following.

Him:  What about subway ride?  We almost got challenge for violent conflict.

Me:  What?  That guy?  He thought we were talking about him.  I diffused it.  Then he was fine.

Him:  We were talking about him.

Me:  I know.  It’s your fault.  Don’t ask me which subway rider deserves the Human Garbage Award for 2010, if you don’t want feedback.  I just happened to pick the drunkest, most obnoxious looking hipster in the train.  In any case, I charmed my way out of a fist fight with the guy.

Him:  I was surprised how quickly you made that lie up.  ‘We were talking about how much we liked your shirt.’ 

Me:  I did like his shirt.  Oh man!  I totally forgot to tell him that he won the Human Garbage Award!

Him:  Oh no!  You could have made his Christmas perfect, too…

Me:  I’m just a Grinch, that way.

Him:  What is Grinch?

Me:  Oh.  It’s a green man who ruins Christmas.

Him:  That’s not you.  You made Christmas perfect.  Delicious food and presents exchanged, and wine and singing around the piano.

Me:  Yeah.  Thanks.  I had a great time with you too, Yoshi.

Him:  I wanted to tell you something.

(pause)

Me:  Uh oh.  Don’t do it, Yoshi.

Him:  What?  You made a perfect day.  I just want to tell you something in my heart.

Me:  Please don’t do this.  I’m not ready for all this, Yoshi.

Him:  You always say you’re not ready.

Me:  I’m NOT.  You met me about 2 weeks after I ended a long relationship.  I told you it was best if we just hung out and had a good time.  I told you I wasn’t looking for my next boyfriend, and to please just think of me as a friend.

Him:  That’s what I did.

Me:  That’s NOT what you did.  You started side swiping me with surprise romantic dinner dates and theater tickets.  It was flattering and you’re a sweet man, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m all stirred up inside right now, and can’t really give my heart to anyone.

Him:  Why not?  Why can’t you just try to make a life with Yoshi?  What’s wrong with me, that I can only say that we’re friends, or if I push really hard you’ll agree that we’re ‘casually dating?’

Me:  Why do you have to push so hard??  Why don’t you have any respect for my feelings?  I keep asking you to keep it casual between us, but if I let you stay the night once a week, you want to do it twice the next week.  AND.  What’s with you sending me Craigslist ads for loft apartments??

Him:  I just want you to know what kind of life we could have togetether…

Me:  You do realize don’t you, that it comes off really bizarre?   We have a conversation on Monday about us taking our time and giving each other space, and then on Tuesday I get an email with photos of an apartment?  Especially when you annotate it with notes about how you’d decorate it.

Him:  Minimalist.  Sleek.  Luxurious.

Me:  You’re not taking my feelings seriously, Yoshi.

Him:  So much you could have, if you let me close to you.

(pause)

Me:  Thank you.  You’re very kind.  But I wish we could give each other space and let things happen naturally.  I feel like you’re on a timetable here, with a list of goals.

Him:  So.  Because it was so perfect…  tonight…  Christmas…  I wanted to say-

Me:  Yoshi.  Stop smiling.  I’m not laughing.  Look at me.  This is NOT the right time to do this.  I made a nice Christmas for us.  Don’t reward me by making me feel awkward, or guilty.  I don’t deserve that.

(long pause)

Him:  But I want to tell you…

Me:  Don’t.

Him:  I want to say it.   Just once.

Me:  I’m not going to be at ALL happy, if you say it.  I told you I only wanted a close friendship.  Why does everyone want just a little more than what’s on the menu?

(long pause)

Him:  I love you.

Me:  Goddamnit.

(long pause)

Me:  Okay.  We’re drunk.  Can we go to bed and talk about it tomorrow, sober?

Him:  Do you love me?

Me:  Yes.   But not the way that you mean it.  Not how you love me.  I’m sorry…

Him:  What do I have to do?

Me:  I don’t know.  I’m sorry.  Can we go to sleep, please?

(long pause)

Him:  Oh, no.  I ruined Christmas!

(I start crying.)

Me:  No you didn’t.  But just stop pressuring me for just a minute, okay?  Let’s just go to bed.

Him:  Can we have Creamy Times?

Me:  That’s the grossest euphamism I’ve ever heard.

Him:  You made it up.

Me:  Fair enough.

(long pause)

Me:  Yes, we can have Creamy Times…  But, tomorrow we have to have a long talk.

10 thoughts on “ThursDATE: Flashback – Last Christmas

  1. This one stung me a bit, as I was on the other end of a situation similar to this earlier this year. While I was not NEARLY as pushy as Yoshi, it was hard to have someone tell me that he liked me very much (we did happily date for a few months at his initiation), before deciding that he didn’t want to be in a relationship in general and making himself emotionally unavailable. That ended up being worse than just getting dumped, as I guess I’ve never had that level of certitude about what I did or did not want to get myself into, so I couldn’t relate to similar requests to “respect his feelings”. I made some of the same arguments about why it was a shame to not pursue was was a very good match from my perspective but in the end I realized, of course, it was just that – my perspective. So great, now I’m in love and you need to be alone. Jerk.

    • I begged him from the beginning to take it easy, and not be too serious. I told him I was broken hearted and that he’d do best to think of me as a friend. I was kind and sweet to him. I don’t know why I’m the jerk…

  2. Tom : We’re just what ? Just what ?
    Summer : We’re just friends …
    Tom : No. Don’t pull that with me. Don’t even try. This is not how you treat your friend. Kissing in the copy room, holding hands in Ikea, shower sex … Come on, friends my balls.
    Summer : I like you, Tom. I just don’t want a relationship.
    Tom : Well, you’re not the only one who gets a say in this ! I do too ! and I say we’re a couple, god damn it !

    -500 days of summer

    Isn’t it swell when life imitates art?!
    J/k.

    Just like when I watched the movie, I feel bad for Tom(Yoshi).

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