Letters

(Guess I’m buying LEVI’S from now on)

Hi Michael,

I appreciated how you handled J.S.’s email.  It was just refreshing you called out his out-dated and insensitive comments.  You did hit a bullseye on that there are guys who still believe in “some gay hierarchy.”  But “entitled” people aren’t the only group of people who think that.  I confess that at times, typically when I feel alone and lonely, I am guilty of having a feeling, however flitting, that my pathetic state is because I was born Korean, earning me a spot at the bottom of the gay hierarchy. I know there are a lot of things wrong with my prior sentence. But anyway, the point is, that for me it was a nice reminder of how so easy it is to fall under the lies of self-loathing. 
Anyway, you seem like a cool guy to get to know and to bake with!  
Take care,
Jake
P.S. I made the spread of food for my party a couple of weeks ago.  I thought I might share that picture, just in case you are auditioning potential guest to bake with.
Jake, you can bake with me any damn time.  You have a great skill set and I’ll bet you’re the cutest thing ever.
We have to get over our racist notions in the Gay community.  We, who understand discrimination more than anyone in this day and age, must be able to rise above racism and misogyny.  If we cannot conquer those things, we cannot become truly unified.  Jake, I challenge you to sleep with an Asian boy or two, so you can see the power of your own attractiveness.   I love you.  You are my brother.
Dear Sir,

Hot damn!

I just stumbled across your website. I’m can’t remember how, as I’m
still in a bit of a shock and unable to collect my thoughts. But, Sweet
Jesus, everything you are doing with Piefolk.net is adorable and sexy
and friendly and good-natured and deliciously gay and also generously
satisfies some human appetite or another. You’ve really made my day.

I grew up in Astoria and moved to Chicago for school, but, oh, had I
known that there would be more to New York in the 2010s than (still
further) rapid rent-rising and character-bleaching gentrification, e.g.
sensual, socially progressive pastry cookery, I’d have stayed. I’d have
stayed.

To make you share in my disappoint that I didn’t, here’s a photograph of
my adoring face. Aren’t I somewhat cute? Yes, I can sometimes force
myself to think so too.

Keep this up, dude! Also, do you have any tips on making an awesome
peach cobbler, my favorite sort of pastry? Or maybe if I pay a trip to
the folks back home sometime this summer, I myself could submit to your
glorious baking master-class?

My sincerest Internet affections,
Gene

Gene,
First of all, flattery will get you everywhere.  Yes.  Everywhere.  No, you’re not ‘somewhat cute.’  You’re what we in the blogging community call ‘boner city.’  That’s a scientific term for a city full of boners, where everyone is so aroused that they’re constantly having to dodge each other on the subway for fear of rudely poking one another with their boners.  See what you did?  You aroused all of New York City.
Can you ‘submit’ yourself to my baking class?  I see where you’re going with this, and yes.  I’ll tie you up and keep you in my closet for a few days, with the cookie cutters, rolling pins and flour sifter, if that’s what you really want.  But you strike me as more of a screw-him-on-the-baking-table sort of guy.  It’s your choice.
No discounts, however, on the class.  Unless you have a twin.  We have group rates.
You were nice to flatter me and I think you’re super cute.
You’re all super cute, Gays.  Don’t forget it.
Jerks.

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