Spicy Mexican Hot Chocolate Pie

This is Dan Paul Roberts.  He’s a gay recording artist and sex symbol.

He wanted to make a pie.

I wanted to perfect the Mexican Hot Chocolate Pie that I took to B.D. Wong’s New Year’s Party.

Boom.  I just named dropped.  It was fun.

You should try it.

Name dropping is the funnest, most bestest thing in the world, except for pooping.

Everyone knows that pooping is the greatest human pleasure.  Duh.

Dan Paul came over late last night.  We whipped up a crust and then blind baked it.

He told me how he moved to the city, and formed a band called She Dick.

They took the downtown scene by storm, and they garnered a following.

Him:  I feel good about life.  I’m not doing She Dick anymore, but I’m working on an album with people I love and respect a lot and it’s going well.  I want to do mainstream gay pop.  The time has come for gay pop stars to start infiltrating the pop culture.

Me:  As part of our evil agenda – I agree.

Him:  Exactly. 

Me:  Well.  There’s Adam Lambert.


Him:  Yes.  Him.  (pause) Well, I’d like to do it differently.

Me:  He does seem like he’s being misdirected by someone.  Maybe his manager.

Him:  Who knows?

We tempered the chocolate and added it to the creamed butter/sugar mixture.

Then we whipped in two raw eggs, one at a time, for about five minutes each.

Then I spiced that shit RIGHT.

Cayenne pepper, cinnamon, and smoked Hungarian paprika.  Fuck yeah.

Him:  I was trying to have a relationship for a minute, with a sweet, enigmatic, kind boy.  But he wouldn’t have any of me.

Me:  Ha.  Sounds familliar.

Him:  Now I think of my life as building a family.  I’m building a family of people around me whom I love and support.  Some of them I have ongoing physical relationships with, some not.  I love my friends like family.

Me:  Brothers.

Him:  What?

Me:  I have brotherly feelings for a lot of the Gays in my life.  It’s a good feeling to take emotional responsibility for someone else.  Not in a controlling way.  Just in a supportive way.

Him:  Interesting.  Brotherhood. 

Me:  It’s important.  The rest of the world hates us.  We only have each other.

Him:  Is that true?  Does the rest of the world hate us?

Me:  Did you grow  up in a world that taught you to be ashamed of yourself?

Him:  Hm.

Him:  I experienced a sexual liberation a while back.

Me:  Oh?  Can you speak to it?

Him:  Yeah.  Well….  I guess it’s just that, I thought – if I’m to be a sex symbol I need to learn how to wield my sexuality.

Me:  Yes.  And how did you learn how to do that?

Him:  A lot of it has to do with eliminating shame.

Me:  I couldn’t agree more.  It’s the weapon they have against us.  They can try to make us ashamed of our unique, glorious sexuality.  But they can only succeed if we let them.

Him:  Right!

We put finely ground coffee beans on top of the whipped cream.

It mixed really well with the spice and the chocolate.

What wonderfully domestic little homos we were.

Please enjoy the Mexican Hot Chocolate Pie.