rendered by Alexis Millena
Him: Why did you txt me?
Me: We’ve been hanging out lately. I saw on Facebook that you went out for Pride instead of studying.
Him: Did you notice how I didn’t call you, even though I went out?
Me: Yes. That’s why I txted you.
Him: Did you ever wonder that there might be a reason I didn’t tell you I was going out?
Me: Sure. You wanted to get blackout drunk and have sex with strangers.
Him: That’s right. And I didn’t want to see YOU.
Me: Stop that. We’ve been getting along very nicely.
Him: I don’t care. I want to punch you. I don’t have to see you all the time if I don’t want to. I don’t have to let you back into my life just because you decide it’s time for us to reconcile.
Me: Are you on drugs? You’re the one who came here.
Me: How wasted are you?
Him: So here I am, okay? HERE I AM. You summoned me. You txted me and I came right over, just like I ALWAYS do.
Me: Don’t. Don’t be like that. We’ve been getting along. Remember? We had a good time at the movies. You came to my party. You’ve spent the night.
Him: I hope you don’t think we’re having sex. We’re not having sex.
Me: I don’t care. I just wanted to see you. There’s a closeness between us. A specialness.
Him: I want to hit you.
Me: Well I’m putting this knife away then.
Him: What’s different now? What’s different?
Me: I’m different.
Him: Well I’m NOT. I am the same.
Me: No, you’re not. People grow and change. You’re different now.
Him: That’s so arrogant of you. You’re so completely arrogant.
Me: It’s true. What I said is true. Also, I’m arrogant. You’re right.
Him: This has – we’ve already done this! Twice. I hang around you for a few months and then I put my heart on the line and you rip it out.
Me: That’s not fair. You approached me as I was going through a couple of failing relationships. I was broken at the time. I couldn’t give anyone anything.
Him: And that’s different now?
Me: Maybe. Maybe not. I’ve been single now for almost a year.
Him: What’s wrong with you?
Me: I don’t know. I’m broken right now.
Him: Good. SO AM I.
Me: GOOD. THEN WE ARE THE SAME.
(I hold him. He struggles.)
Him: Don’t. Don’t you do this. Why can’t you just leave it? Why did you have to start bothering me again?
Me: You don’t have another friend like me! I am the only friend you have like this. I’m the only one who is going to show up at your house in six months with a can of paint, a mop bucket and a broom. I will FORCE you into adulthood. I need you. You have an incredible mind. Incredible. And you waste it away. And that’s going to change.
Him: People don’t have very much luck forcing me to do things.
Me: I know the feeling.
Him: Go on a date with me.
Me: Be my friend.
Him: Go on a date with me.
Him: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
Me: Intimacy. Closeness. Specialness. If you want to have sex, fine. If not, that’s okay too. I feel good when you’re around. You brighten things up, and you’re very stimulating, intellectually. Why can’t we enjoy what’s right in front of us, instead of focusing on the one thing we can’t have?
Him: Do you want to go on a date with me?
Him: Will you go on a date with me?
Me: So many reasons. Because one date will lead to seven dates which will lead to me ripping your heart out. Because if I let myself fall in love with you I would force you to stop doing drugs and drinking all the damn time. I’d make you get on a mortgage with me. I’d make you adopt a kid. All of those things terrify the shit out of you. You’re not ready for that, and you know it.
Him: Can we just go to bed and hold each other?
Me: Yes. I would like that very much.
Him: Michael. I’m not like this. I don’t let people affect me this way. I’m the one who goes out and parties and does drugs and fucks three people in one night, and I’m not even ashamed of that.
Me: I know. And you’re also brilliant. And I’m not willing to let that brilliance go. You don’t believe this but you affect me too.
Him: How do you know that it won’t self destruct and implode again?
Me: I’m wiser now. I don’t have to be right about everything. I won’t let it happen again.
Him: I will. I’ll ruin it. I’ll fly off the handle and ruin everything.
Me: So be it. I’ll let another year go by and approach you again.
Him: I hate you, a little. I’m angry at you.
Me: No. You’re angry at yourself. (pause) And me, clearly. But the drinking and drugs? That’s you being angry at YOU.
Him: Do you know what I did tonight?
Me: Jerked off twice, got restless, went out, got wasted, fucked a twink?
Him: That is accurate. Yes.
Me: Why don’t you hold me for a second, till we get tired?