Him: Hi. Thank you for meeting with me.
Me: Hi. You’re really attractive. So cute in your pics online, and in person.
Him: Haha. Nice compliment. But you are comedy. Your job is to be charming.
Me: That’s right. I’m a comic. My job’s a little more complicated, but yes, it helps to be charming.
Him: I prefer behind the camera instead.
Me: Yes. You said you were a photographer. How do you like that?
(silence – as if I hadn’t asked a direct question that required a response)
Me: In any case. You’re really cute. I mean it. You have great eyes. Hazel. I’ve never seen an Asian guy with such vibrant Hazel eyes.
Him: You such a charmer! They are just contacts, silly.
Me: Well, you have great eyes.
Him: You have good eyes. I didn’t know they were blue from online.
Me: They’re grey. They change color depending on what I wear. I’m wearing a blue sweater, is why they’re so blue.
Him: Haha. I’m not fooled so easily.
Him: Your eyes are clearly blue, not grey.
Me: Well that’s the point. They change… Yeah. You’re right. They’re blue… Do you want some coffee?
Him: No. I don’t drink coffee.
Him: No. No tea.
Me: You asked me to coffee.
Him: You like coffee don’t you? Order coffee.
Me: You want anything? Water?
Him: I don’t need your money.
Me: I wish the reverse were true.
Me: It’s just a joke. I was making fun of myself for being poor.
Him: I’m sure you can afford a cup of coffee.
Me: You’re right. I can.
(surprise ending: this date did not end in a makeout session)
Enjoy the SaturDATE, Jerks!