SaturDATE

Sometimes people ask me on dates.  They see me on the internet and they think that I’m the answer to their life problems, or loneliness.  Or maybe they think I am cute.  Invariably, I prove them wrong…

Him:  Hi.  Thank you for meeting with me.

Me:  Hi.  You’re really attractive.  So cute in your pics online, and in person.

Him:  Haha.  Nice compliment. But you are comedy.  Your job is to be charming.

Me: That’s right. I’m a comic.   My job’s a little more complicated, but yes, it helps to be charming.

Him: I prefer behind the camera instead.

Me:  Yes.  You said you were a photographer.  How do you like that?

(silence – as if I hadn’t asked a direct question that required a response)

Me: In any case.  You’re really cute.  I mean it.  You have great eyes.  Hazel.  I’ve never seen an Asian guy with such vibrant Hazel eyes.

Him:  You such a charmer!  They are just contacts, silly.

Me:  Well, you have great eyes.

Him: You have good eyes.  I didn’t know they were blue from online.

Me:  They’re grey.  They change color depending on what I wear.  I’m wearing a blue sweater, is why they’re so blue.

Him:  Haha.  I’m not fooled so easily.

Me:  What?

Him:  Your eyes are clearly blue, not grey.

(pause)

Me:  Well that’s the point.  They change…  Yeah.  You’re right.  They’re blue…   Do you want some coffee?

Him: No.  I don’t drink coffee.

Me: Tea?

Him:  No.  No tea.

Me: You asked me to coffee.

Him:  You like coffee don’t you?  Order coffee.

Me:  You want anything?  Water?

Him:  I don’t need your money.

Me:  I wish the reverse were true.

Him:  What?

Me: It’s just a joke.  I was making fun of myself for being poor.

Him:  I’m sure you can afford a cup of coffee.

Me:  You’re right.  I can.

(surprise ending:  this date did not end in a makeout session)

Enjoy the SaturDATE, Jerks!