Victor’s House


Him: Hey, thanks for coming to the party.

Me: This is quite a scene. A Brief View of the Hudson. Helluva name.

Him: Yes, thanks! How do you know Victor? Victor’s a good guy.

Me: Victor is the best.

Him: How’s that?

Me: Victor is the reason I do comedy for a living. He trained me a long time ago to be funny.

Him: I bet you were already funny.

Me: Well he trained me to be strong, then. And nice. And he makes fun of me constantly.

Him: I like that. We all need to be made fun of.


Me: I like your band. How is it that I don’t know you guys yet?

Him: Only so many hours in the day? We get around.

Me: I can see that. Wow. Her voice is amazing. There’s a real scene springing up around you guys, huh?

Him: I’m too modest to say that, but thank you.

Me: Her voice…

Him: Right?

Me: She reminds me of Florence Welch a little bit.

Him: Really? I’ll take that.

Me: And also Neko Case.

Him: Whoa. Haven’t gotten that one yet.


Me: If you turned up the verb on her microphone it would sound a little like Neko.

Him: Well I’ll remember not to do that.

Me: Neko has that dark country stamp right now. Don’t wanna copy anyone.

Him: Exactly.

Me: Meanwhile you sound like a light-hearted Leonard Cohen. What would you call your music?

Him: On the phone?

Me: If you were to name it.

Him: Folk-rock.

Me: Hm.

Him: Why?

Me: Nothing…

Him: What would you call it?

Me: Well, it’s unique, obviously. It’s not bluegrass…

Him: No, we’re not a bluegrass band, but there’s banjo on the album.

Me: It doesn’t sound like Old Crow Medicine Show. That’s just straight up bluegrass.

Him: Right.

Me: It reminds me of Mumford and Sons, but you don’t have the drive to make every song epic, which I like. I get time to breathe and reflect when I listen to your music.

Him: Okay – I like where this is going.

Me: If I had to name your sound I might call it… Brooklyn New-grass.


Him: Oh I like that a lot!

Me: Good. That’s what I’ll call it on my site.

Him: What’s your site?

Me: Here’s my card.

Him: Here’s my CD.

Me: I’m glad I met you.

Him: I’m glad I met you, too. Did you come to see us? Victor is planning on throwing lots of parties like this.


Me: No, I’m just checking up on Victor.

Him: Why?

Me: I like knowing he’s happy.

Him: Why?

Me: He gave me a gift that has kept me safe over the years.

Him: What’s that?

Me: My favorite quote ever.

Him: What’s that?

Me: “There are no absolutes in life, except your own opinion.”

Him: I like that a lot.

Me: I like you.

Him: Have another Coors Light?

Me: I have to go meet some gays.

Him: See you soon?

Me: Indeed!



3 thoughts on “Victor’s House

  1. A few years ago, in a bar far away:
    Me: Wow, you guys are great! All these years I didn’t think I liked Bluegrass…
    Him: Maybe you still don’t. We aren’t really Bluegrass.
    Me: Oh! Sorry! What do you call this style, then?
    Him:We are New Grass.
    Me: Excellent! Good to know. How do I tell the difference?
    Him: New Grass is like Bluegrass without the incest.

    1. “bluegrass without the incest”

      That reminds me of a little quip – I think it was the winner of some contest, actually – that I heard on NPR ages ago.

      The World’s Shortest Southern Gothic Novel:

      “On the night the hogs ate Willie, Mama died when she found out what Daddy done to Sister.”

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