Her: Can I have some more wine? I burned my finger and I want to take my mind off it.
Her friend: Know what’s good for a burn? Raw honey. It has antimicrobials that help the burn.
Her: Know what else helps the burn? Wine. Will you pour me some more wine?
Me: Know what else helps the burn?
Me: An unhappy childhood.
Me: Because the burn doesn’t hurt compared to the childhood. You barely notice it!!!
Her: Ladies and Gentlemen, Michael Martin!!!
Me: Thank you. I’m here all week. Please tell your friends.