Me: So? What’s the spice?
Me: You’re right.
Him: Smoked paprika from Spain.
Me: Yes. Wow!
Him: Yes. Of course. You were expecting me not to get it?
Me: I guess? I… No. I dunno.
Him: I lived in Spain for two years. I can tell paprika.
Me: I like that.
Him: I feel like I should be doing something.
Me: Don’t worry about it. Sit. Relax. There’s beer. Want another beer?
Him: No. I cant. I can’t take your beer. I shouldn’t – I’m exhausted.
Me: Oh no. Really?
Him: Not totally exhausted. Just. I want to nap. Can I take a nap?
Him: That’s weird right? If I take a nap while you cook?
Him: Oh, no. Forget I brought it up.
Him: Now it’s gone wrong. I’m sorry. Forget I said anything.
Me: You can totally take a nap if you want to…
Him: NO. You probably want me to leave, right? You can just tell me. I like it when people are straightforward.
Me: What? No. Hey. Have another beer. Do you… Can I hug you?
Me: I’m glad you’re here. Are you hungry?
Him: Yes! I’m getting there. I could be hungry. I’m hungry. Yes.
Me: Great. Pick at this while you wait for dinner.
Him: This is good. I like ham.
Me: You can totally take a short nap if you want.
Him: No. I’m sorry I brought it up. I’m ADD, I think. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Me: It’s okay. We’ll eat soon. You don’t have to stay all night.
Him: Why. You don’t want me to stay?
Me: No. I mean yes. I mean… You said you were exhausted.
Him: Hey. I need to use the bathroom again. Can I?
Me: You don’t have to ask. Go ahead.
Him: Sorry, I just broke the seal.
Me: What? Oh. The urination seal!
Him: Yeah. You never heard that?
Me: No, I did. It just took me a second. I didn’t know ‘the seal’ meant urination. For a second.
Him: I never heard of the ‘Urination Seal.’
Me: I was just clarifying.
Him: Well that’s not a thing.
Me: I… You’re right. But I get it.
(pause. he goes to the bathroom)
Me: Even so.
Me: Even so. What are you doing? When you break the seal?
Me: So it kind of is the Urination Seal. Right? If we’re to be clear?
Him: That’s not a thing. Breaking the Urination Seal isn’t a thing.
(pause. he comes back from the restroom.)
Him: You should water that plant.
Me: Should I?
Him: Yeah, it looks sick.
Me: I watered it yesterday.
Him: Really? It looks sick.
Me: It’s doing fine.
Me: Wanna try the pulled pork?
Me: Do you like it?
Him: Yeah. It’s good.
Him: You’re acting weird.
Me: I am?
Him: I dunno. I’m here. I don’t know you. You could be a serial killer. You’re cooking food.
Me: I’m going to serve us dinner.
Him: I know but… You’re making me feel bad.
Him: I’m not doing anything. I feel like I should be helping. Or taking a nap.
Me: That’s the second time you mentioned… Do you wanna go to sleep for a sec?
Him: No. I just say what’s on my mind. I think I’m ADD. I’m trying to fix what’s wrong with me.
Me: What’s wrong with you?
Him: That’s what we’re trying to fix. Me and my psychologist. Once I fix myself they’ll be no stopping me. I don’t like the lighting in here, by the way…
Him: Yeah. I don’t like it. Too controlled.
Me: So much of life is about carefully controlled lighting.
Him: That’s ridiculous.
Me: Is it?
Him: NO. I don’t know why I’m saying that. It’s not. You’re not weird or ridiculous. I don’t know why I’m imploding right now. Something’s off. I think I’m really ADD. I’m going to find out what’s wrong with me.
Me: What if it’s nothing?
Me: What if there’s nothing wrong with you?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: What if you’re just great how you are?
Me: What if there’s nothing wrong with you? Sorry. Maybe you’re ADD, that’s true. But what if you’re okay, even though you’re ADD? What if your attention span is exactly as long as your evolution in the world has taught it to be? What if your own experience isn’t flawed? What if you’re unique and deserve respect? What if the rest of the world is totally fucked and you’re okay? What then?
Him: I’m tired. Can I nap? Can I sleep while you cook dinner?
Me: Jesus. Please do.
4 thoughts on “What If There’s Nothing Wrong?”
That was just bizzare. Who naps on a date?
This conversation reminds me of two people with sun burns trying to hug.
i was getting so irritated.. haha.