ThursDATE

Him:  I don’t really want to kiss you.  Is that okay?

Me:  What?  No.  No, it’s not okay.  You called me up and asked me to make out with you.

Him:  Yeah, I know.  But I have a cut in my mouth.

Me:  Where?

Him:  My cheek.  I bit my cheek.  It’s not bleeding or anything, but it was sore yesterday and part of today.

Me:  So?

Him:  “So.”  I’m worried about germs.

Me:  Oh shut up.  Kiss me.

Him:  Can we not?

Me:  Yeah.  Fine.

Him:  Can we just get naked and cuddle?

Me:  Yeah. Of course.  You’re beautiful.  You can have whatever you want.  You can have the world.

Him:  I just want to cuddle.

Me:  Sure.  I’ll shut up.

Him:  Yes.  Please.

Me:  You’re supposed to say, no, keep talking.

Him:  Who want’s that? 

(pause)

Me:  Nobody.  Nobody does.

(pause.  we are in our underwear.  we cuddle)

Him:  What’s different?

Me:  Huh?

Him:  What’s different?  Something changed.  Something shifted.  What happened.

Me:  I don’t know.  Sometimes we’re just different people sometimes.  Sometimes part of me goes away and a different part comes around.

(pause)

Me:  That sounds stupid.  I don’t know how else to phrase it.

Him:  Can we just have sex?

Me:  Really?

Him:  Maybe not.  Let’s not.  I shouldn’t keep having sex with you.  You can’t commit.

Me:  I can’t commit?  You don’t even like me.  We have an amazing chemistry but if we dated we would argue non stop.

Him:  Why?

Me:  Because you play games.  You say, come make out with me, and then you won’t kiss me.  But then you want to have sex.  But then you don’t.

Him:  I just don’t – I’m a hypochondriac.  I worry about getting diseases.

Me:  This is wonderful.  I come over here and compliment you and cuddle you, and then I leave feeling like bag of Hep C.  Thanks.

Him:  Come on.  It’s not that bad. 

Me:  It’s not.  But it is.  I don’t know.  Maybe you won’t see me for a month or two.

Him:  Are you angry.

Me:  Kind of.  No.

(long pause)

Both:  Jerk.