Aids Walk

Q: What’s sexier than an AIDS Walk?

A: A wet AIDS Walk. A wet, soupy AIDS Walk.

Even so. Last week I whined and pleaded and bothered and shamed people into sponsoring me. It worked. My family and friends and some nice people from the internet helped raise 950 dollars for AIDS patient services.

I caterwauled about it on Facebook all week. It paid off.

It was inspiring. 45,000 people walked, raising 6.2 million dollars.

That’s a staggering number. That’s amazing. Good job, 45,000 people.

I am way ahead of you. You were about to ask whether or not the guy from the EZ PAWN subway ads was there. Yes. Yes he was. A-List celebrities like him always turn out for charity events.

It’s cool to know that he’s a philanthropist, on top of providing the extremely useful service of making it EZ to PAWN things.

I couldn’t help but notice something: an abnormally large percentage of the AIDS Walkers were ethnic minorities. This was surprising to me.

I had this idea that there was going to be a bunch of middle class white people there, basking in the East coast liberal glow of their own kindness and charity. I expected to hear people saying things like, “Oh, my husband and I just took the train in from Connecticut – our daughter is a lesbian doula in Williamsburg and we wanted to support her.”

That was not the case. There were plenty of white people there, but by and large, I saw a disproportionally large amount of ethnic minorities. Maybe it was just the groups I was walking with – or maybe whitey needs to step it up next year?

I will say this, though. I could do without hearing things like, “Damn. Why they gotta be so many faggots up here?”

Don’t be naive. It’s the AIDS Walk. Aside from pushing a secret, evil agenda, faggots love nothing more than AIDS. Were you asleep in the late 80’s when all the faggots were trying out the stylish new disease everyone was talking about? Were you not paying attention when those faggots were responsible for the fashion revival of the hospital gown? Yes… faggots love AIDS. AIDS and Lady Gaga.

Were you raised as a mole person under the subway tunnels of New York city? is that why you don’t know what a bozo you look like, using the word ‘faggot’ at the AIDS Walk?

I mean. Thanks for helping out with the cause and all, but don’t be such a bigot. Just try. Just for one day. Not to be an uneducated fool. I heard the word faggot at least five times. And only two of those times were ironic, where one homosexual was saying to another: ‘Hey faggot.’

Knock it off, otherwise charitable, awesome people. You look foolish.

All in all the experience was uplifting, though. Most people were smiling and happy. There was a charge in the air.

Congrats to everyone that participated – walkers and sponsors. You guys are awesome. Now I’m going to get back to what I’m good at – annoying people with my gayness. And baking. And finding complicated boys to infuriate me.